Category: Video Games


Before we even start I have to reaffirm something:  Fuck skinny jeans.  Please watch the following video and tell the young men that now even the young women are turning on them.

This blog marks the beginning of a new series for me.  I will be telling the stories of some of the people in my life as I saw/see them.  All of them will be unauthorized, and abridged, and will have significant gaps where either my memory fails me, of I was never told.  There may even be a few “misremembered” facts.  I might just embellish, with hold, or down right lie.  I won’t be on purpose….. I promise.  Today we start with one of my peers who had a profound positive influence on my life.  A good friend of mine James Martinez.

Hey recruit!!

I met James Martinez when I checked into the barracks at 1st Marine Division, Comm Company, in 33 Area Camp Pendleton, California.  At the time I was a radio operator fresh from a tour in Okinawa, Japan.  I was none too excited to be rooming with a ‘wire pig’ as I was taught to call them because they were a lower life form for us (so I was told).  Enter at the time Corporal Martinez, reeking of Jack in the Crack grease and hard work.  I have just met my new roommate and the adventure begins.  Things were cool from the get go though.  We talked and found out that we have more in common than most people.  I must admit that at this point in my life, I was rather immature and I didn’t know a lot about being self-reliant and responsible.  James taught me how to balance my work load.  James taught me how to keep my room clean.  James taught me how to work on my car, a skill that would come in handy many times because most of the vehicles I would own in this early time in my life would in fact be pieces of shit.  James taught me how to install my own car stereo, and make the shit go BOOM!  Needless to say, I learned a lot from James, and I owe him a lot.  I knew he was madly in love with his girl back home.  I think her name was Alli, but I might be wrong.  Alli was having pain in her knee all the time and was being bounced from doctor to doctor all the while being told that nothing was wrong with her.  I just figured her knee was like mine, shit hurt just because.  James went home on leave to spend some time with his family, and his lady.  When he returned his head was bald and he was married.  I had no idea why he had just done that.  I knew that marriage was still a ways off for them, but he then told me about how Alli was diagnosed with cancer.  The pain in her knee was a tumor, and since it had been ignored by doctors, and she had been disregarded, it had gone other places.  Now I don’t know if the cancer originated in her knee, or if that’s just where they found it, but either way James was now 100% dedicated to this woman, and would stick by her until the end, whenever that was.  I admired that about him.  I admired his commitment to his convictions.  James was and still is a stand up guy, good to have in your corner.  Around this time he was promoted to Sergeant, which is the finest rank the Marine Corps has ever housed.  He worked his magic to be home with his girl on Humanitarian Orders and was able to get his wife into one of the finest cancer centers in the country.  At this point he was gone.  He was no longer my roommate.  I lost contact with him while he tended to his wife, and I started my own family.  I always wondered where he was, how he was doing, how he looked now.  The guy that I shared a barracks room with.  The guy that I shared a squad bay with.  They guy who knew the true identity of Black Naked Ass Man.  The guy I would drink may beers with.  The guy I had shared many a road trip to L.A. with, was now officially off the grid.  I owe my life as it is now to him.  He told me about my current job, Technical Control as he was on his way to becoming one before his wife got sick.  I would have never known it even existed if not for him.  Late last year after nearly a decade I received a friend request on Facebook from a James Martinez.  Time stopped for a short time for me.  Holy shit, my dude is alive!  Once we reconnected, phone calls were made and we caught up, but like a true friend it was if no time had ever really passed.  He did drop off the map after the death of his wife Alli.  It was devastating for him to see his most loved one die, as it would be for any of us.  He lost direction for a short time, and his desire to be with people.  He has since healed from the loss of his wife, and remarried.  He now has a beautiful family whom I hope to meet soon.

 

The babies and...

the wife!

 

James now lives in his native New Mexico working his ass off to provide for the people shown above.  As far as I know he is happy with his life, and family.  Good stuff!  I’m sure there are inaccuracies in this story, but I did my best to capture who I saw James as.  He is a great guy who I will be having a beer with once again soon enough.

On to other business…..

I recently took test over the phone for a position with ITT as a satellite technician.  Let me make this clear to all who stumble upon this post, I may work with satellite techs, I may work with satellite operators, but I am not nor have I ever been a satellite anything.  I failed that test life it was a fucking XBox achievement.

 

 

as shown on my mental HUD during the test

 

 

 

I took this test in the hopes that it would lead to something other than failure.  I knew I wasn’t a sat tech, but just maybe I could work thing and find a job anyway doing SOMETHING.  I asked how I did on the test, and I was told in so many words that I sucked balls.  Noted fuckers, this is not what I’ve been doing for the last 9 years.  I then asked if they needed any Technical Control guys, and they got all excited and said that they were in dire need of Tech Controllers.  WTF?!  My resume says Technical Control Chief, not Satellite Maintenance Specialist.  Either way, this led to being asked about one of the pieces of gear I DO operate quite frequently.  The Promina.  They asked if I knew how to operate a Promina.  I said yes.  They asked which Prominas I’ve worked with.  I told the Promina 400 and 800.  They got super excited.  I now have another phone interview/test next week.  Good things can come from shitty situations if you refuse to lose.

Next week I start my separations classes, do my pre-surgery work up, and take another phone test.  Quite the busy week.  The following week I have to drive my daughter 2 hours to a plastic surgeon so we can finally close the book on her dog bite and move forward.  They next day, I go under the knife and repair one more defect in my body.  Damned this shitty warranty.  Things are coming together quite nicely.  I think we will be set for success by the time the govt stops paying me as an active Marine, and starts as a guy who’s body got the shit kicked out of in over a 13 year military career.  Oh, I plan to have a job by the time that happens as well.

Time for the reward for reading this far down…..

 

she will somehow blame someone else for this, but when she tries using her lasso as a belt, she will fess up.

Feel free to leave a comment.  Have a great day.

 

Well people, the final countdown has began.  I have a surgery to fix my ankle scheduled for 14 January 2011.  I’m excited, as well as apprehensive.  A lot can go wrong when you are on the table and someone is cutting you open to rearrange your parts, but a lot can go right as well.  I was apparently born with a defect in my ankle that only 1% of the population has.  There is connective tissue binding two bones in my foot/ankle that greatly restrict movement causing all sorts of issues.  The x-rays of my foot/ankle show a haze around the bones.  When asked what causes the haze, it’s basically scar tissue, and bone chips, yes bone chips.  I also have traumatic arthritis in my big toe as a result of limited movement.  It’s called Calcaneal Navicular Fibrus Coalition, and here is a picture.

If I could count the times I've wrecked my ankle.....

On to other things, it’s the holiday season.  Time to bust out the plastic and charge yourself into credit oblivion in an attempt to prove to your family that you do in fact love them.  Never mind that you feed and clothe them the whole year.  Never mind that you pay for housing, utilities, and all sorts of other shit.  Never mind that you had to give them a birthday gift at some other point in the year.  NOW is the time to show them how much you love them.  And you show them by buying all sorts of bullshit that they don’t need, and will only use for a month, tops.  How about we just hand out and enjoy the company of family?  How about we show someone how much we love them by giving them the gift of wisdom?  Hand down some wisdom the way our grandparents did.  Tell stories, give advice, if you don’t have any wisdom to hand down, give them books, anything that will give their minds a chance to imagine.  Enlighten people, gift them some culture, manners, functionality, not just the shiny new shit.

If there was a cool enough commercial for this, your kids would want it. Would you buy it for them?

I guess this enlightens... I guess

And a classic favorite…. Dora!!

Fail, just plain ol' fail.....

There is no time like Beer:30.  Beer:30 is my favorite time of the day, right after Boobs o’clock and Vag:15.  As a result of my love for beer, I became a small time brewer.  I only brew 6 gallons at a time, but the beer is normally anywhere from 6% to 8.5% so it’s really drinking with efficiency.

My beer has done this to at least one person that I know of.....

... and this as well.

One time in Okinawa, the airlocks on one of my brewing kegs got clogged and the damned thing blew up.  With my wife in the room.  While I was at work.  We almost had the same thing happen early this morning.  The airlocks were all clogged on all my kegs.  My wife could here the seeping of air under pressure and woke me up.  I took action, and I was sprayed with beer along with my wall but we got it all under control.

The brewery AFTER we got things under control. Close call........

I really look forward to bottling, and then drinking the hell out of the beer pictured above.  Check the names of the brews,  Good stuff.

Rianna has started to do better at school, and that makes us all happy.  Ayana’s grades have always been good as she is only in the 1st grade, and honestly, it’s kinda hard to fuck 1st grade up, but she’s doing very well either way.  Her grandmother got her a giant teddy bear for Christmas.  I mean A GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!

I think it has a Social Security card, and works at the local Food Lion when not being snuggled by my daughters.

Tomorrow my family will pile into my wife’s 2007 Mazda 5 along with the dog and drive 6 1/2 hours to the Charlotte are to visit my mom for Christmas.  My 6 year old absolutely adores her grandmother and is so excited to hand out with her.  My oldest is excited that she gets to play with her cousins.  My wife and I are excited to visit, and that the kids are excited.  The dog pretty much has shown indifference to the whole thing, and the baby is pretty much just hanging out with us, and is down to travel for hugs.

I now leave you with a passage from the Book of Dirty and some words of wisdom

Book Of Dirty 5:30 – 5:35

And then Dirt Diggler asked of his God “do you want us, Your creations to be happy?”  His God responded “yes, I do” and then blessed them with a case of the finest beer man would ever know.  He said onto Dirt Diggler ” I have given you beer, and the knowledge to make more beer.  You now have irrevocable proof that I love you, and want you to be happy.”  Dirt Diggler saw the beer, heard his God’s word and did in fact know that he was loved, and to be happy.

 

Be careful out there and try not to over indulge.  Too many other people will make complete drunken assholes of themselves in the next couple of weeks, don’t be the next one, unless that’s your role in the family.

Know your role... I guess.

Ladies be especially careful.  No one wants to be a victim.  And there are other reasons as well.  Allow me to illustrate.

Just push the "I believe button"....

Well enjoy the holidays and feel free to leave a comment.  You can condemn me, praise me, or otherwise but leave a comment so I know you’re not ignoring me.  Thank you.  Happy Holidays!!

This will happen to someone this year. Is it you?

It’s been quite some time since my last blog, and boy have things been busy.  Rianna’s team lost in the playoffs against the first team they lost to, yeah, the really big kids.  They put up much more of a fight this time, so I guess that’s a good thing.  We look forward to next year and my possibly coaching in some capacity.  Ayana and her team did well all season.  I got to ref a game, and it was the cleanest game all season.  No one was maimed or anything.  Good times.

They did good this year... real good.

Halloween has come and gone, and the stars of the show were the pumpkins.  We changed it up a little bit and added ears using leftover pieces and toothpicks.  I think they were well received by friends and trick or treaters alike.

yes, the little one with the cat ears is Shaun's pumpkin, so cute!

Thanksgiving has just concluded, and my cousin, mother and her fiancée came out to visit our home.  It was great having them here.  I enjoyed spending time with them, so did my wife.  The girls were the most happy of all.  For Rianna she gets to play with her older cousin and finally get some competition.  For Ayana, she got to hang out with her Grandma Lynn who she absolutely adores.  Shaun got to reacquaint herself with my mom and her peeps, and establish dominance over another group of adults.  We had a bit of an abbreviated spread, but a well prepared one nonetheless.  We had the traditional turkey, complete with stuffing, baked pasta shells and cheese, more stuffing, a secret mixture of greens with a smoked turkey wing, and dinner rolls and home-made turkey gravy.  The wife made a bad ass Cobb Salad for this occasion as well.  For dessert we all had home-made sweet potato pie with home-made whipped cream that I put WAAAAYYYY too much damned sugar in, but the kids liked it sooooo, I guess it all worked out.  Did I mention the turkey was 26.5 pounds?  I didn’t huh?  Well the damned turkey was 26.5 pounds.  The biggest turkey I’ve cooked ever.  My wife told me to get a bigger turkey, and me being the dumb-ass Marine that I am, decided to go WAY TOO BIG.  Now we have enough turkey to last us until New Years Eve.  That doesn’t even remotely sound appealing.  Uggghh!  Did I mention that I cooked all this food?  No?!  Well I did, but the gravy was lovingly prepared by my wife and mother.  It was great to see them work together.   It’s not really that big a deal that I cooked, it’s one of the few times I get to put my cooking skills on display, so I do enjoy it a little, and I want my little ladies to find a man who has SOME domestic skills as well .  Here is a little sample of what we were enjoying:

just a little sample....

YOU WILL OBEY ME!!!!

Now time to discus the XBox 360.  It had died a while ago and I was postponing the repair.  Partially because I was lazy, but mostly because I was worried about killing it for good.  My neighbor’s XBox 360 went tits up as well, and he approached me with the request that we do a joint repair.  For some reason this made me want to get mine done.  For some unexplained reason, I really wanted to fix mine…. oh wait, it had nothing to do with my neighbor, I wanted an XBox 360 kinect and didn’t want to buy a new system.  I resented that my machine suddenly died, and I had no more desire in giving Microsoft more money to replace a machine THEY made with piss poor workmanship, and sub par parts than I did in having a bum stab me with a box cutter.  It just so happened that my neighbor came along as I was feeling like this, and it got his machine fixed as well.  What a bargain.  So with my machine repaired, I headed to the only place I KNEW would have the Kinect Sensor Bar the day AFTER Black Friday…. K-Mart.  I was so sure that I refused to call ahead to ensure they had one, I felt it in my bones.  Why was I so sure you ask, because NO ONE SHOPS AT K-MART!!  Everyone goes to wally world (Wal-Mart), Target, the PX or some store OTHER than K-Mart.  That’s how I knew.  SO I get to K-Mart, and there it is, just as I prophesied.  I picked one up, along with a fighting game that lets you use your own punches, knees, kicks, elbows, and head butts to beat live, or computer opponents, this would prove to be somewhat of a mistake.  We will return to that thought in a few, the Kinect came with a game, it’s kinda like Wii Sports, but even more embarrassing.  We put the game in the resurrected XBox 360, and get ready to flail about like it’s nobody’s business.

This........

Plus this.....

Equals this. Yes that is the Funky Chicken....

Flail we did, it tracked our every movement, it recorded whose faces were in the background, and worse of all, it took stills at certain times when you would be undoubtedly in a compromising position.  This is WAAAYYY worse that the Wii could ever hope to be in terms of embarrassment.

Lies!!!

Truths!!!

I did however break a sweat, but I was downright winded playing the fighting game.  It was a total bastard of a game.  I won most of my matches, but I had to put a lot of effort into it.  It took my flail game to a whole new level.  I was punching and kicking like I was fighting off a rapist, but not just any rapist, a really ugly rapist.

Remember this?

YES OFFICER, THAT'S THE ONE. THAT ONE RIGHT THERE!!!!

After sufficiently making myself look like an ass in front of all my immediate family, and sweating profusely in the process, I decided to hand it up for the day, or at least for a little while.  After my mother and her entourage left for home, I got the house a little more clean, and returned back to the source of my tired back, and salty forehead.  The damned Kinect.  I gave it a more concentrated effort, and I was rewarded with more sweat, and even with the smaller crowd, surprisingly more embarrassment.  I do not write these words to admonish the Kinect, quite the contrary.  The Kinect is a technological marvel, and I wish the PS3 had it instead because it’s a better machine.  I just want people to know that you WILL sweat, you WILL flail around like your having a Grand Mal Seizure, and you WILL look and feel like an ass in the process.  Go out and get one, lock the doors, turn of the A/C, and give yourself hell.  Enjoy!  Feel free to leave a comment.

Just a thought, should I pose a question at the end of the blog?  Just a question.