Category: Level of Comfort?


Ladies, and gentlemen of the Armed Forces of the United States of America, I have for you a news flash of sorts: A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE NOT HEROES!

In the age where everyone gets a trophy, this is by far the most infuriating.  Telling an entire generation of military men and women that they are heroes when they are not gives them a false sense of entitlement, and achievement.  Please don’t assume that I’m talking about ALL military men and women, just the ones who sit on major FOBs like Bagram and Kandahar and waste not only space, but my tax dollars as well.  If you actively manned a gun, kicked in doors, jumped out of planes, or provided fire or air support, you are a hero.  If you pulled the wounded out of battle, or patched them up when they touched down, then you are a hero.  If you sat in your office, bitching about shitty coffee while wearing an M-9 you have no clue how to operate, you ARE NOT a hero…… and you know it.  Please stop acting like your tour here was so difficult.  Please stop carrying yourself like we owe you something.  Please stop pretending that you were at any point, useful.  You don’t deserve a parade upon return, and none of you deserve a Bronze Star just for playing Nerf-Warfighter.  To all those folks that make the actual mission happen, you have my respect.  To all those who have lost someone in combat as I have, you have my condolences.  To all you who lost your reflective belts and couldn’t go to the DFAC on Steak and Lobster Day…. Fuck you!

If you are unclear after all the words you may, or may not have read.  I have included pictures of people who are heroes, and pictures of those who are not heroes.  And just because I can foresee someone getting butthurt and calling me out, I’ll say this.  I know where I fit in the whole equation.  Contractors have never gotten parades…….

Image

Hero…..

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take notice of the attachments… not a hero

Image

heroes……

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I’m sure he has PTSD from the THOUGHT of SOMEONE ELSE in combat…. not a hero

Image

world class door kicking… heroes

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“Seriously mom… I didn’t do anything today…. it was so hard. This 3 months is just so brutal” not a hero

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It’s been quite some time since I’ve last posted something.  This has been due to a combination of shitty internet speeds, censorship, and laziness (one leads to the other in this case).  I’m back in Kuwait in a holding pattern trying to get into Iraq.  “Why are you going to Iraq Dirty?”  Good question!  “I thought all the troops left Iraq.”  Very astute of you!  “I need answers damnitt!”  Hold your horses, I will explain.  I was/am going to Iraq to fill in for someone who had to go home for a family emergency, mainly because I’m a team player but also because I’ve never been there.  I was supposed to just fly right in and start work, but that is not how it’s been going.  Apparently Iraq has been making the visa process rather painful as part of their “WE ARE A REAL COUNTRY” campaign.  They even snatched up a couple of Blackwater guys and held them for a while for not having the proper papers.  I am not in a rush to be held in the custody of the Iraqi equivalent of ICE/INS.  Being deported could have positive repercussions (free trip home) but I am not in a rush to go through all that BS.

Notice how Iraq is the chewy center of what I like to call "Super Happy Fun Land"

Either way, because we are NOT trying to get apprehended and/or deported we are TRYING to apply for the Iraqi visa.  The problem lies in the fact that the Iraqis don’t quite know what the hell they are doing at this point.  They are taking forever to process any visas, and they seem to change the rules quite often.  This is in fact quite a showstopper.  It’s really not that bad of a situation to be in though.  I’m not getting rockets shot at me in the “stan, but I’m not at home on my couch either.  This place is a real purgatory.  Neither here, nor there, and because of that it sucks.  Best case is that I get to go and help this guy out so he can go home and take care of his business.  Worst case is that I go back to the ‘stan.  There really isn’t a loss in any of this.  Oh, silly me!  I forgot to recap the last FOREVER in how I ended up here.  I think my last post was from my apartment in Kuwait.  Well, I lot has gone down since then.

"My" "Living Room" I had to share it with another guy, who is another post altogether.

I have since found my way to Afghanistan under employment of ITT on the MST in Bagram.  I worked there for about a month when I was sent south to Kandahar to do an install.  The install itself is a whole new post due to the amount of fail I experienced while working for/with the army.  So there I am in Kandahar feverently trying to undo all the fail the army buried itself under when a strange man walks into the facility and asks the question to end all questions…. “Who wants a job?”  Of course I, neck deep in army fail reply “I want a job.” From that point I am interviewed, the resume is submitted, I am vetted by several people, and ultimately hired.  I then go back to Bagram and submit my resignation (2 week notice) and immediately start catching hell from ITT management.  So here I am, trying to do right by the company, and they are fucking with me. So not cool.  Fortunately, we had collectively foresaw this happening and was set for an immediate hire.  Being as ITT decided to act like a bag of dicks, I re-submitted my resignation effective immediately. (That’ll teach them turds!)

It should say "Engineered to suck" Worst. Company. Ever.

After some rigorous on the job training from the boss, I am left to my own devices as he takes a quick vacation.  He did leave another guy there to help me out, but he was more of a suicide watch than anything else.  The first couple of days on my own, I was overly caffeinated, on edge, and petrified of failure.  After a few days I calmed down and was able to get things done.  Since I survived my trial by fire (I swear this is the only way my life operates…) I was welcomed into the family formally.  I then took my spot in Kandahar and have been there since.  I have gotten quite a bit done, but I need to reach the level of the boss man where I can make anything happen that I need to happen.  It takes time, but that is one of my goals.

It's time for the Big Time!

I’m not gonna lie.  Sometimes army officers like to shit on contractors, and when I say sometimes, I mean all the time.  But eventually they all come to their senses and request my help.  Most times I just smile knowing that they act out of jealousy and resentment.  My inner Marine keeps me professional, but my inner asshole keeps track.  I will have mine, whether it be on payday or some other occasion, but I will have mine.  Thank you for your time in reading this blog.  Drive safely!

So here I sit, on the sixth floor of my tower, in my apartment in Kuwait City, overlooking the ocean.  New roommate whom I’ve met before, with a boss damn near 10 years my JUNIOR.  Company cell phone in my pocket, company vehicle available once I get my driver’s licence (but I drive anyway).  Sounds like I got a pretty sweet deal going on out here, huh?  Well lets cover how I ended up here and what had to be endured by my family and I.

The living room. Not a bad spot. Not a GREAT spot either....

First thing I had to do was survive my enlistment without event, and complete the never-ending quest of checking out for EAS.  I almost didn’t make it though.  I ran into numerous obstacles in surviving, and in checking out.  I actually crossed the physical threshold on a junior Marine about 1 week before terminal leave.  He disrespected me so flagrantly that I actually blacked out and when my mind turned back on I already had closed the distance, and grabbed him.  Fortunately he wasn’t a complete idiot and did not make things worse by making any sudden movements or loud sounds while my mind wasn’t home.  Had he done that I probably would have begun beating on him, and that would have been bad.  Oh, all of this was going on with a space boot on my foot, due to my ankle surgery (as mentioned in previous blogs).  As for my checking out, I ran into some major delays with the dental and medical portions.  My shoulder was still not good to go but I needed a surgeon from the Naval Hospital to say it was so I could be found medically fit to separate.  This had to be done via appointment.  the appointment was about 10 days into my leave period.  The appointment took all of 5 minutes.  Needless to say, I was a little bit upset about that.  I also had a tooth extracted, you know, just because.  Then begins the medical screening for ITT.  I had a dental exam, medical exam, and shots to get.  All of these activities were conducted in the state on North Carolina, and required a shit ton of hours to get to.  My dental exam was in Jacksonville, fair enough.  I sat there in the waiting room forever waiting for the dentist to get there.  Why was I waiting?  Because the dentist lived in Wilmington, and there was a huge fire burning between Wilmington, and Jacksonville and traffic was all kinds of jacked up.  But the dentist finally arrives, and my 5 minute exam it conducted.  Yes, I was pissed about that, but happy that I was done.  The shots were done in Fayetteville which is about 3 hours from Jacksonville.  So after driving for 3 hours, and waiting for 20 minutes, I got 3 shots in about 5 minutes.  Yes, I was fucking furious that this could not be done closer to home, but it was done so that made me kinda happy.  Medical was done in Wilmington, about 1 hour away.  I got there and had forgotten that I needed to fast for some blood work.  It didn’t matter though because I got my fat ass on that scale and saw a number I didn’t think was possible.  I will not share that number with you, but lets just say that seeing that number sent my blood pressure through the roof as I was so damned pissed at myself.  Guess what test was next….. they checked my blood pressure, and it was pretty high, which pissed me further, and made it higher.  As you can see I am spiraling out of control at this point.  Well, I managed to keep it together on the outside,, but inside I was a mess.  I did my piss test and of course I was not worried about anything because I have not touched drugs for quite a long time.  I wasn’t even on painkillers for my surgeries at this point.  Then cam the blood work.  See I had forgotten to fast, but in an hour or so, I’d be back within their test window.  So blood work time comes and the nurse tries to get some blood.  Seven sticks, two nurses, and one bonafide doctor later, they finally get their blood and I get several band-aids.

Yep, they hooked me up with some band-aids.

Well I knew what had to happen, I had to lose a significant amount of weight and lower my chronically borderline blood pressure.  So begins a really effective, but shitty diet and PT routine.  Mass doses of thermogenic fat burners, no/low carb protein, water, and PT, followed with vitamin packs.  I lost the weight, and it sucked doing so.  Being laid up for months cramming in surgeries before my EAS was a strategic error on my part, but I was still able to pull it off.  With my medical package completed, I was given my flight date to depart to Ft. Benning GA where ITT and several other companies go for processing en route to the middle east.

You are good to go! Trust me, I'm a doctor.......

There are also soldiers there.  Tons of them, of all shapes and sizes and walks of life.  Mostly National Guard and reservists.  If you have never worked with the two aforementioned groups, then you don’t fully understand disappointment, and frustration with someone you THOUGHT was in the military.  Most of these people were complete tool bags.  Just getting out of the Marine Corps, my view of the military might have been a little biased, but nothing could have prepared me for the jackassery that I witnessed at Ft. Benning at the hand of those reservists and guardsmen.  Did I mention that the staff was reservist/guard?  Well they were, so that just added to the suckitude of being there.  After a week of processing, when I thought I’d reached the finish line.  I was incorrect in that assumption.  The medical people at Benning did not appreciate my recent weight loss, or my lower blood pressure.  They ignored my new results that I had to get in order to even be sent there.  They saw the first ones, and made a decision.  I was sent home, absolutely dejected and no longer drawing a paycheck.  I had already received my last paycheck from the Corps, and now here I sat with a half paycheck from ITT for one week of ‘work’ plus my signing bonus.  My wife was there for me, and she was supportive.  I had coordinated with ITT to return to Benning to finish my processing and finally get into theater.  ITT held up their end of the deal by getting the paperwork done for my return.  I did my part by not getting fatter, and showing up.  I finally completed Ft. Benning and flew to Kuwait.  I was still not too excited about to where I was going in Afghanistan, and what I was going to be doing.  Sitting in a TCF with my thumb about elbow deep in my ass unable to actually troubleshoot my own equipment was not something I was looking forward to doing.  I needed something that would allow me more growth.  Enter Mr. Edison, a soldier I worked with in Okinawa years ago at Ft. Buckner.  He had just switched contracts to go to a section called the MST in Afghanistan.  He would be able to get knee-deep in the gear and actually perform maintenance.  I was excited, I asked how I could get on with that.  He directed me to the MST boss and after speaking with him I jumped contracts at an immediate pay cut, at a higher salary.  I know it does not make sense, but it works like this: When you go to Iraq, or Afghanistan, the State Department adds 70% of your base salary to your first 40 hours, so I would make more money in Afghanistan, but at a lower hourly rate.  With the MST, I could still go to Afghanistan for work, but at a higher hourly rate, on top of all the labor perks that come with working out of Kuwait (more on those in a later blog).  So here I sit, in Kuwait, car keys in my pocket, ready to whip it on.  There is always more to the story as about a month has gone by since this point that i could speak on, but who wants to read a 4000 word blog?  Nobody, that’s who.  So enjoy the reading and be sure to leave a comment.  Thanx!

Sounds like a good plan.....

Hello, my name is Dirt Diggler, and I’m a fat-ass.  That is what I told myself last week as I read the number on the scale at my medical screening.  I was about 15 pounds heavier than I had ever seen myself……. ever.  I was where I’d told myself I’d never be.  I was as close to fat-ass rock bottom as I’d ever been.  Immediately my blood pressure skyrocketed.  As you can imagine, finding out that I was tipping the scales at around 310 was rather upsetting.  I was filled with disgust for myself over my weight.  The next part of the exam was to check my blood pressure.  I’m normally pre-hypertensive at any weight, it’s my genetic legacy, well now since I was so upset I was well into the hypertensive range.  The nurse asked if I wanted a few minutes to calm down, and I did.  I tried to whoosaa myself calm for a few minutes but I was too far gone by that point.  My blood pressure had lowered just a little bit, but not nearly enough.  So marks the beginning of my current journey: to not be such a fat bastard.  I made the decision that day that I was going on a modified Atkins diet that I will call the Fatkins diet.

Done this one, time for one that is more…… ME
There…. That’s more like it.

The Atkins Diet is a very low carb, very hight protein and fat diet modeled after the Eskimos I guess.  It helps you lose weight fast, but your energy levels will plummet and become inconsistent.  Because your energy levels are neither here nor there, your tolerance for bullshit is much lower.  Because your tolerance levels have dropped, you are now more likely to use what little energy you have in acts of violence against the dumb-asses you will undoubtedly be surrounded by while at work.  Since you are now using your very limited energy in acts of violence, you now have even less available when you have to flee from the police, therefore increasing your chances of incarceration exponentially.  You eat mostly meat, absolutely no rice or bread, and very little if any vegetables.  So you can eat a steak topped with bacon, cheese, and ranch, but you can’t have a fucking apple.  One more big thing about the Atkins diet is this; carbs kinda shape your poop, holds it together.  Without the carbs there you will feel like you are pooping more often, and you are.  But your poops will be more like sawdust instead of the proud bowl crushing turds you were accustomed to dropping before.

So proud, so proud.....

You also have to take multivitamins while on the Atkins diet because you will not be eating veggies which have both vitamins, and carbs.  And tons of water.  You will drink water more than you ever had in your life, but water is cheap, hell it’s free in certain  places.

Tons of this. Remember this stuff?

Now time to describe the Fatkins diet.  Instead of eating fried meats at every meal, you have a low/no carb protein shake for breakfast along with your vitamins and some thermogenics along with a fiber supplement.  “What are thermogenics Mr. Diggler?”  Well let me tell you: fat burners.  Those little pills that increase your body temperature and can make life unbearable if used incorrectly.  You will also be having a shake for lunch, and meat for dinner.  Please take note of the lack of any real food.  You will also be doing 30 minutes to 1 hour of cardio daily.  Because you are taking thermogenics, and working your ass off in the gym you will need to consume enormous amounts of water.  More than you would if on the Atkins diet.  This combination if done correctly will take you straight into the “Unhealthy weight loss” realm.  It’s OK, this is not a long term solution to the size of your ass, but you can do this for a couple of weeks, take a few days off, and go back on for a couple more weeks until you reach your goal weight.  Once you get to your desired size, you now have to use methods such as portion control, exercise, calorie counting, and so on to maintain or improve your shape.

Don't do this..... ever!

You can’t just shotgun a pizza and chase it with a tub of ice cream and expect it NOT to latch onto your belly and or ass.  You have to take control of YOUR diet and YOUR eating habits to maintain any semblance of a good shape.  Oh, and remember that fiber you took in the morning, it not only helps in the weight loss process, but helps those turds become a bit more manageable.  I’ve lost about 20 pounds doing this diet, and it’s time for a short break during which I will gain some weight back.  But back on the diet I got first thing Monday, ready to do it for another round.

Yeah! Bring it bitches, just make sure it has no carbs OK......

And now on to the WTF that undoubtedly lead most readers to this blog.  Feel free to comment.  I respond to each one.

Woman, get my razor! I have to shave my eyeballs now!

Work hard, play harder I guess

Hip hop clothes and maybe fried chicken?

WOW

Ronald-San was kicking The Colonels ass until the Burger King got involved....

Thank you for reading, as I said before, feel free to leave a comment.

Ladies and gentlemen, as it stands, right this second I am free.  Free from the bonds, and tyrannical rule of the Infamous Foot Button.  I can now walk somewhat normal, and stretch my toes without pain.  This is most definitely a good thing.  I’ve been button free for about two weeks now, and I must say that it is, in fact the shit!  In about 3 days my cast will be removed.  I’ll be able to wash my leg and entire foot, and walk more normally.  I’ll be moving up to the space boot from the cast so I’m not out of the woods yet.

Kinda like this....

But more like this….

yeah, nowhere near as cool as the name implies

I can’t wait until I get to wear this travesty as it will be the last step in my surgery recovery that actively hinders my movement, and I need some movement in my life in the worst way.  I could go to lose some weight, and diet only does so much for me.  I need to work out as well, and work out a lot.

 

Diet my ass!!

Either way, I need to get back in the gym, and that begins this week.  I look forward to it.  I’ll I have left to do is check out, and work out.  Consider it done!

 

I'm going to steal all of your shit!

I woke up this morning to Onslow County Sheriffs cars parked across the street from my house.  Apparently some teenagers had gone through all the cars in the area stealing shit.  I mean the fuckers covered some serious ground, they went through two different, yet connected sub-divisions.  They weren’t breaking into cars, but if your car was unlocked they were going to go through your shit.  I’ve been known to leave my car unlocked, but I also leave nothing of value in my car.  This time my car was locked, and none of my nothing was missing.

 

yep, it's all here....

Some of my neighbors weren’t so lucky.  They left some very important things in plain view in an unlocked car.  Shit like this is bound to happen.  I mean if you put it out there people will take advantage of the situation.  The cars have working AUTOMATIC locks on the key chain, working AUTOMATIC locks on the doors, and possibly working ALARM systems, none of which were used.  Makes you wonder how people have anything at all.  We all have our ideas on who we think the thief is.  I don’t know the turds name, but he’s the only teenager I’ve met out here that I’ve damn near put into the ground.  I mean this kid had me hot, I was really gonna send this fucker limping home to his father (a senior Marine, mind you) in hopes that I could beat his ass too if her tried to defend his shit stain son.  He set off my neighbor, then me, and then the other neighbor all within seconds of each other.  He had some of his boys with him, but they clearly did not want 800 pounds of pain coming their way.  My kids were watching me flip out and they started crying thinking I was gonna kill this kid and go to jail.  My wife was worried too untill she heard him say this key phrase “My dad is a Master Sergeant!”.  Sorry son, your gangster membership has been revoked, you are no longer allowed to pretend to be hard, you can’t even make my wife scared of you.  You fail at being gangster.  You fail, so very very bad.

 

"Hurry up mom, take the picture!" "Dudes, we are SOOOO gangster!"

I actually HOPE it’s him, and that one of us catches him.  That will be an asswhippin to remember.  I’d YouTube that shit in a heartbeat!  Let me put up one more fake gangsta picture.  I don’t think you fully understand how NOT gangsta these kids were.

 

Just because I hope he can read, and reads this.

Bitches!

Here is a link to some more fake gangsta pics because seriously, fuck those kids!

http://www.strange-people.com/2010/06/funny-fake-gangsters.html

That’s all I got for today.  I should have more next weekend as I have a birthday, get my cast removed, and return to work this week.  Should be pretty eventful.  I look forward to sharing it with you guys.

And here is some WTF for the road.

 

Walmart trash

The sad part was that the kid drove there because mommy was too drunk.....

crack whore

Why is she famous again?

Google these guys, find them, then burn them to the ground

I got nothin.....

are they out of paper or something?

so excited

You know she is just foaming at the mouth waiting of March 14th!

With that one, don’t let March 14th catch you off guard.  Get your favorite cut of steak lined up, as well as your favorite lip gloss.  Celebrate with style, and enthusiasm.  Feel free to leave a comment folks.  I’m out!

Well ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I return to you once again with yet another blog.  No doubt I will use colorful language, images, and topics throughout this post.  Some of you might be amused.  Some of you might be offended.  Some of you will just take it all in stride.  Some of you will in fact, read the words I have labored to type, and still others will just look at the pictures.  Hey whatever floats your boat, I’m just happy to be here.  No on to the topics at hand.

like a doughnut please.... and this time with some fucking enthusiasm!!!!

As some of you might know I recently posted a blog about Valentine’s Day, and my views of it.  If you hadn’t, allow me to give you a quick refresher.  Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday with no real meaning.  It is yet another way for people to sell a bunch of shit to people who can’t afford them (men), in an attempt to impress someone else (women) in a misplaced gesture of affection.  Valentine’s Day would be completely pointless if you treated your significant others with the love and respect they deserve all year long.  However, in Japan Valentine’s Day is based around showering the MEN with gifts of flowers and chocolate.  The women have White Day which ironically is March 14, in which they are showered with gifts.  The role reversal is refreshing, but in this country/culture there is no role reversal possible because there is no day set aside for men.  Now this is not my idea.  I did n’t come up with this but I stand behind it completely.  Starting this year March 14 needs to be set aside as…… Steak and BJ day.  That’s right.  Steak and BJ day.  The ladies will cook a steak for their man, and hook him up with one of the most selfless acts a woman can perform.

Ladies, stop being so selfish.....

Some might say that I, and other who follow this line of thinking are misogynistic assholes who hate women.  Quite the contrary.  We are the same people who go out of their way to make sure SHE had a memorable Valentine’s day.  We are the flower giving, champaign pouring, meal cooking, foot rubbing guys who show our love and affection on every possible occasion.  All we ask is that you show US some love and appreciation by doing for us.  Nothing about oral sex is nasty in a monogamous relationship.  Nothing is nasty about sex.  We have a pretty ass backward view of sex to begin with, which is shocking considering it’s how we all ended up here.  While we will call out the men to bend over backwards into the range of ridiculous extravagance just to show they love someone else, all we ask in return is the simple act of a good meal, and a BJ.  Yes ladies, please dress sexy, and put some effort into it.  We would for you.  We do for you.  You don’t have to be in a traditional relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor Steak and BJ day.  Just know your roles and play accordingly.

and yes, doing this is a plus.....

Let’s make March 14th a day we all look forward to, and do it WAY BIG!  On to other business….

The Infamous Foot Button.  I alluded to how a button was sewn on to my foot as part of my most recent surgery.  I never explained what the button was actually there for.

not a button like this....

or this, even though I kinda FEEL that way about it...

not as cool as this....

and definitely not this stupid button....

The button was part of a muscle re-route to make sure things healed correctly.  The surgery itself was to remove a ‘fibrous coalition’.  In other words I was born with fibrous tissue bonding two bones in my foot/ankle together.  This limited the range of motion my foot had.  The limited range of motion let to MANY ankle sprains, and ultimately tons of scar tissue, and arthritis in my foot.  After they removed the naughty fibrous tissue they needed something to fill the gap to make sure it didn’t grow back… enter the Infamous Foot Button.  The took some muscle and stretched it into the gap.  In order to hold it there long enough to heal over, they weaved sutures into in, and anchored them to the button on the bottom of my foot.  “But Dirty… how did they get the stitches to the button?” you may ask.  Big ass needles through my foot is the answer.  They literally stabbed two really big needles through my foot to run the stitches to the button.  Crazy shit, I know.  Don’t believe me, here is a pic….

The horror!!!!

I thought that damn button fell off and I had to rush to the doctor’s office to have my cast removed (HELL YEAH!!), only to find that the button was very much still in place.  I begged the doctor to leave the cast off, I felt so liberated, I was looking forward to… I don’t know….. wash my fucking filthy ass foot.  Either way I was denied by the medical professional in charge and on went a new cast.  I will go through this exact evolution again on Wednesday when I see the actual surgeon that worked on me, and I still go back into a cast for two more weeks.  The price of good health I guess……

Maybe it’s just me.  Probably it’s just me.  Am I the only one who runs into immense amounts of censorship on social networking sites?  I’ve had a whole account on MySpace cancelled, and I’ve just recently had a valid cause shut down without even a note from the site.  The MySpace thing went down years ago… you know, like before MySpace was a haven for child molesters and children in a rush to be molested (I can’t understand why a young girl would fake her age to be with a 30+ year old man, that’s the connection I make in my mind.  Don’t get offended, or do, I don’t care either way.) but it sucked to lose an account.  It’s like having your identity taken from you by some faceless asshole.

different process and your will NEVER forget the faces of those assholes!

The FaceBook incident was just today.  The cause was to spread the word on Steak and BJ Day.  A worthy cause if there ever was one.  I don’t put it up there with cancer research but it’s better than some of the other bullshit causes they allow.  I had just created the cause.  It was picking up momentum.  I was on my way to my goal to making this a reality, and it was all taken away, just like that.  Needless to say I’m a little pissed, but was it all me?  Did I simply choose the wrong forum for this cause?  We will see.  Here is the link to the new FB page dedicated to it.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/People-For-the-Celebration-of-March-14-Steak-and-BJ-Day/201560426521345?v=wall&sk=wall

Either way, these site have led to a generation of socially retarded people who seem to think their opinion matters (and yes I see the irony of that statement), especially Twitter.  So if you see the following icons, take heed and move with trepidation, because they all kinda suck….

easy to plug into, impossible to unplug from..

if you STILL use this site, you are going to hell for touching children... you nasty bastard!

The root word is twit. Few statements containing only 140 characters can be important..... just sayin...

And now time for the customary visual assault of WTF I’ve come accustomed to putting at the end of my blog.  Enjoy and be sure to leave a comment!

Actual statue in Korea...

for the avid fisherman I guess....

Japan, the undisputed champion of WTF

just in case you were about to argue my last caption...

you can't unsee any of this!

and yes, this blog is the shiznit

Today I will blog about another person who had a dramatic effect on my life.  This person is Sgt. Kenny Perkins, or better yet… Sgt. Kenny Perkins’ mustache.  I remember that mustache being two distinct thing… Big, and red, and horrible.  So three things.  From the moment we saw that horrible creature perched atop Kenny’s lip, we felt FORCED to ridicule him.  We had to purge that thing from our plane of existence lest it attempt a bid at world domination.  For about a week, another Sgt, and I took the time to apply peer pressure to Kenny in an attempt to shave that THING.  I would go so far as to say we were so effective that he contacted his mother for confirmation to what he already knew.  ” You will never have a mustache like your father Kenny” she said.  To which we said “Who’s your dad, Yosemite Sam?!”  You may wonder what the creature I described looks like so you may banish it as well if you ever happen upon it.  I have enclosed a picture……

pay no attention to the man the 'stache is controlling, and try not to look directly into it's eyes.... it may seize your soul......

The ‘stache by itself…..

It normally consumes human souls, but every once and a while it goes for rabbit.

I have also included a picture of Kenny’s dad….. I think.

artist's depiction

Notice any resemblance?

In all honesty Sgt. Kenny Perkins is not a bad guy at all.  Once you look past that he’s from “New England” and is a “Patriots” fan, he’s not a bad guy.  He has had his fair share of bad luck as all of would have.  His reactions however were all his.  I will not get into any of that because I don’t know enough about them to sound remotely intelligent.  I will say this, Kenny, just like the mighty cockroach is indestructible and will outlive us all.

Now onto other things.

I recently had my ankle surgery as of last Friday.  I am currently in a cast and I have been told NOT to put weight on it.  I have already been to one follow up with my doctor and I was not prepared for what I saw when I saw my foot for the first time after surgery.

not a zombie foot... not yet

That cut is WAY bigger than I expected, but that was nothing compared to what was on the bottom of my foot….

dude.... it's a button.... on my foot.... what?

Yes, that little circular thing is a button sewn onto my foot.  BUTTON SWEN ONTO MY FOOT!  I still can’t get over that.  I have metal cables in my shoulder holding things together, but since I can’t see them it’s not big deal.  The button, however temporary is right there.  It’s simply too much for me to completely wrap my mind around at this point.  Other than that, my foot is pretty painless.  I can feel the suture itch every once and a while but no real pain.  I can’t complain about that at all.  Good job doctor!

My employment arrangement post Marine Corps are working out just fine.  Looks like I will not only have a job, but be well paid just as I was planning on.  Well, here’s to 10 years of planning and just having it fall in your lap.

OH HELL YEAH!!!

Rude people of the Wal-Mart parking lot, I have an announcement to make:  Even on these crutches, pending separation from the Marine Corps, fat and black, I am and always will be better than you.  As you drive SPEED by in your late 90’s POS vehicle making eye contact while not letting me cross the road remember this.  Your acting like an asshole won’t fill the hole in your soul where your parents/spouse/drug addiction/what-fucking-ever lies.  You are wasting my beloved oxygen, and I demand you stop immediately.  That is all, carry on.

If that box could drive, it would frequent Wal-Mart.

Yes, that is a 4 pack of douches she is holding.  I fucking hate going to Wal-Mart…..

they have a parody website for a reason......

Well that’s all for today.  There is always more I could talk about but today I keep it short.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Oh and here’s your reward for finishing this blog…..

yeah... my thoughts exatcly....

If you have ANY idea is to what in the hell is going on in this pic feel free to leave a comment.  I you have NO idea, and just want to leave a comment, go right ahead.  Holy crap!

2010 has officially come to an end.  It was a challenging year  to say the least.  I spent my first full calender year stateside in a long time, and I spent a good portion of it jacked up with injuries.  I watched the end of my career come and go, and get extended into 2011.  I witnessed the 9th birthday of my oldest daughter, the 6th of my second, and the 1st for my youngest.  I got my first year of home ownership out of the way as well.  Only 29 more years left.  My wife and I hit 10 years married in 2010.  In that 10 years that my wife and I have shared, not all of it was good, but all of it helped us both to grow into who we are now, and will continue to help us become who we are supposed to become.  I met some new people in 2010, and reacquainted myself with people I’d already met years before.  Some good, some bad, all worth knowing because they helped me to learn something.  We will just call 2010 the year of personal growth.

unless you are Ke$ha in which case 2010 was they year you were a huge no talent douche bag

Time to cover the holidays that have passed since my last blog, namely Christmas, and New Years.

Christmas was not a bad time at all.  We drove 5 1/2 hours from Jacksonville to Mount Holly NC to my mother’s house to celebrate.  The girls were all super excited to see grandma and get their gifts from her.  The wife and I were excited to be out of Jacksonville for at least a little while and spending time with family.  My mother was excited to be hosting us, and of course for another chance to spoil my children rotten as grandmothers are prone to do.

the bear was just the tip of the iceberg.......

We were all pretty excited to see snow falling Christmas day for our very first “White Christmas”.  In February we had snow, and in Okinawa we had a whopping 0 inches of snow over the course of 6 years.  The last time it snowed in Okinawa was in the 70’s.  So snow on Christmas day was a big deal to us.  The snow however was NOT cool when my dog had to go outside to do his bidness.  And speaking of that little asshole, my dog is the only animal in my house, other than my kids at times.

this could be any one of my daughters at any given time at any given day

Well my mother has 2 animals, one dog and one cat.  My dog had run ins with both animals but the run ins were of a completely different nature.  My mom’s dog Coco is a Boston Terrier Pit Bull mix.  She is small, and mostly sweet, but she has been known to be dog aggressive.  I don’t blame this on the breed so much as I do on her upbringing.  Coco is a rescue, and was abused as a pup and forced to fight full blood pit bulls for her food.  She has learned that ambush technique benefits her because of her small size.  This technique was brought to bear on my dog over a piece of rawhide chew toy.  This little dog latched onto my dog’s ear and he immediately began to cry out in pain.  My dog is not animal aggressive, nor is he human aggressive.  Nothing that I have seen.  He has never been attacked by any other animal, and he has never attacked another animal.  This was unchartered land for my pup.  Luckily my mother got there and pulled her dog off before I got there.  I would have been a bit violent upon my arrival.  That little dog might have stopped fighting other dogs forever at my hands, but that’s not how it went down.  My mom pulled her dog off, and put her in her room away from my dog for a while.  My dog only had minor scratches on the base of his ear, but that day he took his first L.  I can only hope he learned something from it.

this is Coco....

this is my dog, Shisaa....

Now onto the cat story.  My mother’s cat is named Lucky, and like most cats Lucky has a special place that he does his bidness.  That place is the litter box.  To most people the litter box is not a place you want to spend a lot of time.  Just clean the damned thing out and move on to other less disgusting things.

Unless you are these people. What the hell is going on over there!?

Well to good ol Shisaa the litter box looked a little bit different.  Allow my to illustrate how we see it:

normal people vision...

and how my dog sees it:

Shisaa vision

I could not keep that damned dog out of the cat box.  We all busted him snaking on cat poop.  I muzzled him, kicked his ass, yelled at him, and tried distracting him, none of it worked.  Since we don’t have a cat, we don’t have a cat box.  Since we don’t have a cat box, we can’t really train him on how to NOT eat cat shit.  The only time he comes in contact with a cat box is at my mom’s house.  Stupid dog!

"I told that dog to eat shit and die... well he's half way there..."

Time to cover New Years…. YAY!!

My lovely wife cooked Soki Soba.  Soki Soba is the Okinawan way of doing it.  The noodles are different from mainland Japan, and I think there is more meat in it.  We were all happy to be able to sit down and enjoy a piece of Okinawa from so far away.  It helped me remember all the good time we had there, and all the interesting people we met there.  It helped me to remember my wife’s family, they are some pretty cool people and I do miss them very much.  We followed that with Gyoza, rice, and I had a Kirin Ichiban beer at the ready.  Great meal to have with the family.

SO. DAMNED. GOOD.

We then watched the New Years specials on like 3 different station to include NHK the Japanese station.  The girls tried to stay up, but the closest one to making it to midnight was Shaun, my youngest one.

"I told you I could hang with the big girls!"

After the clock struck 0000 and 2010 was officially over, they wife and I did share in the customary kiss and call it a night.  The girls will still wake up at the normal time which is at least 2 hours before either me of the wife want to be up so we had to prepare.  I know, we suck, but we have outlasted 80% of our friend’s marriages so we must be doing something right.

I now leave you with some words from the Book of Dirty:

Book of Dirty 7:19-7:23

Dirty made his New Years resolutions for the new year when the sky cracked with His God’s voice.  His God asked him why he chose this day to make positive changes to his life.  Dirt Diggler told His God that it was customary to do this on this day.  His God responded with “The day that you see change is needed is the best day to make changes.”

This is a picture I’ve been on the fence about putting on the blog, but here is goes.  If you feel this pic is inappropriate, just shoot me a message and I will take it of…. maybe.

someone... somewhere... thinks this 'chick' is hot as hell. Are you that someone?

Well people, the final countdown has began.  I have a surgery to fix my ankle scheduled for 14 January 2011.  I’m excited, as well as apprehensive.  A lot can go wrong when you are on the table and someone is cutting you open to rearrange your parts, but a lot can go right as well.  I was apparently born with a defect in my ankle that only 1% of the population has.  There is connective tissue binding two bones in my foot/ankle that greatly restrict movement causing all sorts of issues.  The x-rays of my foot/ankle show a haze around the bones.  When asked what causes the haze, it’s basically scar tissue, and bone chips, yes bone chips.  I also have traumatic arthritis in my big toe as a result of limited movement.  It’s called Calcaneal Navicular Fibrus Coalition, and here is a picture.

If I could count the times I've wrecked my ankle.....

On to other things, it’s the holiday season.  Time to bust out the plastic and charge yourself into credit oblivion in an attempt to prove to your family that you do in fact love them.  Never mind that you feed and clothe them the whole year.  Never mind that you pay for housing, utilities, and all sorts of other shit.  Never mind that you had to give them a birthday gift at some other point in the year.  NOW is the time to show them how much you love them.  And you show them by buying all sorts of bullshit that they don’t need, and will only use for a month, tops.  How about we just hand out and enjoy the company of family?  How about we show someone how much we love them by giving them the gift of wisdom?  Hand down some wisdom the way our grandparents did.  Tell stories, give advice, if you don’t have any wisdom to hand down, give them books, anything that will give their minds a chance to imagine.  Enlighten people, gift them some culture, manners, functionality, not just the shiny new shit.

If there was a cool enough commercial for this, your kids would want it. Would you buy it for them?

I guess this enlightens... I guess

And a classic favorite…. Dora!!

Fail, just plain ol' fail.....

There is no time like Beer:30.  Beer:30 is my favorite time of the day, right after Boobs o’clock and Vag:15.  As a result of my love for beer, I became a small time brewer.  I only brew 6 gallons at a time, but the beer is normally anywhere from 6% to 8.5% so it’s really drinking with efficiency.

My beer has done this to at least one person that I know of.....

... and this as well.

One time in Okinawa, the airlocks on one of my brewing kegs got clogged and the damned thing blew up.  With my wife in the room.  While I was at work.  We almost had the same thing happen early this morning.  The airlocks were all clogged on all my kegs.  My wife could here the seeping of air under pressure and woke me up.  I took action, and I was sprayed with beer along with my wall but we got it all under control.

The brewery AFTER we got things under control. Close call........

I really look forward to bottling, and then drinking the hell out of the beer pictured above.  Check the names of the brews,  Good stuff.

Rianna has started to do better at school, and that makes us all happy.  Ayana’s grades have always been good as she is only in the 1st grade, and honestly, it’s kinda hard to fuck 1st grade up, but she’s doing very well either way.  Her grandmother got her a giant teddy bear for Christmas.  I mean A GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!

I think it has a Social Security card, and works at the local Food Lion when not being snuggled by my daughters.

Tomorrow my family will pile into my wife’s 2007 Mazda 5 along with the dog and drive 6 1/2 hours to the Charlotte are to visit my mom for Christmas.  My 6 year old absolutely adores her grandmother and is so excited to hand out with her.  My oldest is excited that she gets to play with her cousins.  My wife and I are excited to visit, and that the kids are excited.  The dog pretty much has shown indifference to the whole thing, and the baby is pretty much just hanging out with us, and is down to travel for hugs.

I now leave you with a passage from the Book of Dirty and some words of wisdom

Book Of Dirty 5:30 – 5:35

And then Dirt Diggler asked of his God “do you want us, Your creations to be happy?”  His God responded “yes, I do” and then blessed them with a case of the finest beer man would ever know.  He said onto Dirt Diggler ” I have given you beer, and the knowledge to make more beer.  You now have irrevocable proof that I love you, and want you to be happy.”  Dirt Diggler saw the beer, heard his God’s word and did in fact know that he was loved, and to be happy.

 

Be careful out there and try not to over indulge.  Too many other people will make complete drunken assholes of themselves in the next couple of weeks, don’t be the next one, unless that’s your role in the family.

Know your role... I guess.

Ladies be especially careful.  No one wants to be a victim.  And there are other reasons as well.  Allow me to illustrate.

Just push the "I believe button"....

Well enjoy the holidays and feel free to leave a comment.  You can condemn me, praise me, or otherwise but leave a comment so I know you’re not ignoring me.  Thank you.  Happy Holidays!!

This will happen to someone this year. Is it you?

Today, as I write this blog I should be free.  12 December 2010 marked the end of my obligated service to the United States Marine Corps.  It was a day I looked forward to for years.  A day I would no longer worry about what time formation was.  A day where PT had whatever meaning I wanted it to have.  Where if some 20 year old gets a DUI, I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  A day where the only thing that mattered was my ability to do my job, and take care of my family.  That day was today.  But it IS NOT today.  My EAS was pushed back to mid April so I may get my foot and ankle worked on, and to give my shoulder time to heal.  A sacrifice that recently I had been questioning as a wise one.  It doesn’t matter if you really look at it though, I was not ready to separate now.  I still had things to do, it is what it is.  I will miss certain aspects of Marine life.  You can’t do something with your entire adult life and not become attached to the routine.

See you guys on the other side. It was fun..... sometimes.

There are some things I won’t miss though……

Look! It's common sense!!! KILL IT!!!!!

another OPS meeting. We NEVER EVER learned....

And my favorite, mass punishment

Fuck it, frag em all. That'll teach em!

Now that my Marine career is technically in its twilight…

..not these douche bags though....

.. I am finding time to get back into some of the things that made me happy.  Things like making beer, doing music, and most of all, relaxing.  I really enjoy relaxing.  Relaxing by myself, relaxing with the wife, relaxing with the whole family, just relaxing in general.  Unfortunately my life has a fair amount of drama, and without some sort of decompression time, I will flip out and bad things will happen.  Part of being a father and husband is understanding that your actions affect your whole family, and not just you.  Growing up and maturing teaches you that.  I think this week as horrible as it was good for me, I did a lot of growing.  Good prep for the real world.

What the hell is the deal with all the cracked windshields, and stripper angel/devil vinyls in Jacksonville?  Every third car has a cracked windshield, every fourth has those dumbass angel/devil stripper vinyls.

Seriously???!!!

Why!?!? Fucking WHY!?!?

I could see the first person getting the vinyls and it being kinda cool.  Especially if this person was either a stripper, owned a strip club, or had relations with strippers.  The next 2000 jackasses to get it however, simply made it uber-lame.  I even went so far as to ask the vendors why people buy these stupid vinyls.  They honestly could not explain it themselves.  What does that say about the population of Jacksonville?  Nothing good, nothing good at all.  Calvin pissing on this was bad enough, but that combined with this and numerous other redneck oriented, southern gangsta vinyls.

This shit makes no damn sense.....

New York is no exception, you people have surprisingly been following the stupid vinyl trend as well, especially my Latin brethren.

Nobody fucking cares!!!!

I can understand that you are proud of yourself, where you are from, your car club blah blah blah, but have some fucking taste and originality.  There is no reason to cut the value of your car in half by making it into a billboard for a product you don’t even have stock in.  Just sayin….  Oh and one more thing.. J-Lo is a no talent hack.

the only place a fat ass makes you talented is the strip club... get there.....

I now leave you with a couple of passages from the Book of Dirty.  Feel free to read them, think about them, discuss them, or ignore them.  Whatever makes you happy.

Book of Dirty 1:22 – 1:20
And in His darkest hour Dirt Diggler was alone. He was fearful for His family, and His own well being. He looked towards the Heavens for some reasoning. And he cried out to His God “WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME HERE SURROUNDED BY THESE SERPENTS!?”. His God answered by shining a beam of light upon Dirt Diggler and revealing to him a great truth.  His God revealed onto Dirt Diggler that the serpent existed in His life only to provide an evil to contrast the good in His life. Dirt Diggler did not understand. He asked “Why must the serpent be so evil when it does not benifit the serpent?” His God responded “It is the nature of the serpent to be evil, that is how I created it.”

Book of Dirty 3:7 – 3:12
Dirt Diggler looked upon his children, and he was happy.  His daughters were healthy, and happy, but ultimately unfinished.  If they were to replace Dirt Diggler and his wife, they would have to grow as Dirt Digger did.  They would have to know pain, failure, and betrayal.  So Dirt Diggler did not shield the world from them.  He let them learn pain, failure, and betrayal, but he stood with them and let them borrow His strength to persevere and truly grow from their experiences.

Thank you for reading this far.  I feel the need to reward you for your dedication.

Love is a beautiful thing. Really it is. Enjoy life!

As usual, feel free to leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, feedback of any kind is always welcome.

P.S. We recently crested the 600 hits mark.  YAY!!