Category: Kids ‘n’ Sports

This blog will be exactly what the title indicates; random rants, and rumblings.  Pretty much any topic I wish to write on, I will write on, in whatever manner I see fit.  Sit back, grab a tasty adult beverage and enjoy the moment.

1:  Apparently putting a picture of a horrible looking female body builder in the nude, and Ke$ha will put your blog hits into the veritable stratosphere.  I had a max of 60 hits in one day prior to my last post.  It was the one about me being an asshole and how that was OK.  I consider that one to be one of my best blogs to date.  But when you crest the 100 hit mark twice, hover at 90, and chill at 60 everyday since you have either written a magnificent piece of work, or The Google is directing them to you because of certain buzzwords.  My blog tools allows me to see how people end up on my page, and I can tell you that it is the latter.  I have mixed feeling about this.  I like the fact that I THINK I’m getting some exposure, but it’s not the way I would like to have it.  For those of us who have not sold their souls to the devil, we would like to known for the content of the work, not the packaging, but it is what it is and I will continue to do my thing.  I did however consider re-posting the two pictures in question, but decided against it because it was a stupid idea.

Sooooooo, anyone got any souls to sell? No one huh? Back to slapstick I go.......

2:  Skinny jeans need to go away ASAP!  I don’t know who brought those horrible pants to the mainstream, I don’t know who the hell thinks they are “gangsta”, and to be honest I don’t fucking care.  In my life, these are the people who normally wore what are now called skinny jeans; Cowboys: they called them wranglers because ranch work, and horse riding required semi form fitting clothing that would not get snagged on things, because getting snagged on things could mean death.  Rock Stars:  This is a carry over from the U.K.  These people wore make up, had big hair, had random sexual encounters a plenty (and I cannot emphasize RANDOM enough), took drugs that I still don’t know exist, and died at a fairly young age of either OD or disease.  Women:  Women wore them because they want to feel sexy, and have people sneak peeks at their asses.  Don’t dare stare though, that would be rude and offensive to fully recognize their efforts at ass glorification.  Then something happened.  The whole Emo thing started and overprivileged teenage douche-bags started wearing their sister’s pants with white belts for reasons that escape me.  They went mainstream but even then most people knew skinny jeans were for the aforementioned groups and wore normal clothing as Emo Kids were all pretty much gay, and therefore not to be taken seriously.  “It’s just a phase” parents would tell themselves.  But somehow skinny jeans not only invaded the rest of mainstream American society, but Hip Hop as well.  So now we have “Thugs” sagging their jeans talking about how “gangsta” their 33 slims are.  What the fuck just happened?  Did I miss a nationwide bulletin encouraging this type of dress?  Are codpieces going to make a comeback too?  I don’t know, but I hope not.  People, do your own damn thing, dress how you want to, but dress like damned man.  Stop wearing your sister’s pants you little retards.  It’s bad when Miller Light slams you and you have no legitimate response. 3:  This damn computer that I’m typing on right now has wasted so much of my time, that I want to take it and set in on fire.  I worked on this machine for over 4 day straight.  4 days!  That’s longer than most people are married these days.  I learned quite a bit from it though so I can’t complain too much, but I will try, oh boy I will try.  Bad hard drives, bad DVD RW, bad bootleg copy of windows.  Talk about a ghost in the machine!  I had to swim through all that bullshit to get to where I am now with my computer.  Fortunately, the last decade of  my life has been focused on this exact type of scenario.  Is it bad software, bad hardware, or both?  That’s what I do for a living.  I do it with much different systems, but the method does not change.  You have to ask yourself “does that shit even make sense?” when you see an issue.  Then you have to ask yourself “Am I about to seriously fuck this up?” before you take action.  It’s a delicate balance of skill knowledge, and luck, but hey life is a gamble, roll the damned dice!

this is after the binary code somehow slipped a 2 into the mix. Cheeky bastard!

4:  No days like snow days.  I have been home with my thumb in my ass for the last 2 days because Jacksonville cannot handle snow.  At all.  Ever.  You may have read my blog on what happens out here when it rains and see the authorities acting out of safety by shutting the base down.  I say let them drive so we can kill off the dumb ones.  If you don’t have the sense to NOT drive like asshole in bad weather then you, AND whoever was dumb enough to get into the car with you need to die.  I know, strong words right?  Try diving out here on a normal workday, you will soon share these feelings.  But on the good side of things, I’ve been able to take an extra 4 days of leave.  Spend some time with the family, and be annoyed by my two oldest daughters in way I never imagined.  Good times.

See how it's the ONLY car involved? I'm willing to bet they were driving like assholes.

5:  My wife had her birthday recently.  I’m not going to even attempt to take away from another glorious year in my wife’s life.  But it is right after Christmas.  It is so hard to put on an encore gift giving performance after a concert like Christmas, but I pull it off every year.  At least I think I do.  I’m am fortunate that our anniversary is in April, because if it were January, or February I’d have to sell organs to afford it.  This year I mad a Big Red cake.  If you have never heard of a Big Red cake, it’s basically a cake with Jello in it.  It’s not that hard to make but timing is key.  I topped said cake with home made strawberry whipped cream frosting.  Eriko was happy, the girls were happy, so I was happy.  I would not trade those times for the world.

Happy Birthday Eriko!! We will have many more together.

6:  The end is near for my military career.  I have one more surgery, some separations classes, and most importantly future employment that must be arranged.  I have a good feeling about 2011 so I’m not to worried about it, but just in case…… if you know someone who’s hiring, shoot me a line.  You can never have too many opportunities to succeed.

not as dramatic, but why not?!

7:  There are several no talent idiots that continue to absorb way too much of the media’s time, and therefore as media subscribers, too much of our time.  1. Sarah Palin is an idiot.  She is an ignorant close minded individual who has no place in the Federal Government as she has no clue how it actually works.  She is however NOT the Devil as some would have you believe.  She is a wife, and a mother just like the ones we know, and she hadn’t spent much time away from home to learn of the world, which is painfully obvious whenever she speaks.  That sounds familiar, sorta like most of the folks in Jacksonville.  I recently saw a column linking her to a tragic shooting in AZ because she tweeted “don’t retreat, reload”  I remember this tweet and the context it was used in, and the linking was completely unjustified.  So, media folks, if you don’t like her simply stop reporting on her.  I’m tired of hearing about her.  She is a normal white American, just like the jackasses in Jacksonville, nothing more.  2. Paris Hilton should have never been famous, I hope she contracts AIDS, and dies a very publicized, and spectacular death.  3.  Perez Hilton is a fucking faggot!  Now by no means do I hate gay people.  You are free to do with your life as you choose.  However please do us all a favor and don’t try to force your lifestyle on others.  Just because someone’s opinion doesn’t match yours does not mean that you should go out of your way to ruin them.  I didn’t forget what happened when Miss California answered a loaded question about gay marriage, and you flew off the handle and pretty much stripped her of her crown.  Not cool.  That takes you beyond simply being gay, but to being a faggot, which in my mind as a hateful gay person.  It works both ways Mr. Hilton, if you want people to respect you and your lifestyle you need to respect theirs, deal with it.  4. Lindsey Lohan is hideous and I cannot understand the publics infatuation with her.  She is the same as any other girl her age that was raised without ever being held accountable.  She has issues, and I’m cool with that.  Please media folks, let them stay HER issues.  I don’t fucking care if she got wasted in rehab.  I commend her on her resourcefulness.

I dare you to get on her level!

5. Any other celebrity not actively HELPING people with their money and power.  Did I mention George Cloony on my list?  No.  Do you know why?  Because if it weren’t for him America would not even know the genocide in Darfur was happening.  Did I mention Oprah?  No, as much as gets on my nerves, she is helping girls in Africa get an education that otherwise would never see the outside of a school let alone the inside of one.  Bill Gates, Dennis Leary, and several other all do some pretty impressive charity work with their earnings.  I applaud those people and I support them, I suggest you do the same.  I didn’t even mention all the athletes doing good work because all I ever hear about is the next two people I want to see vanish off the planet.  6. Terrell Owens, and Chad Ochocinco have absorbed more media coverage than they deserve.  They were overpaid underachievers on a horrible football team that sucked all year long, but no matter how bad the team sucked, there they are.  “how will they react to that last pick?”, “I wonder how they feel about this losing streak”, “should I still have my popcorn at the ready?”.  I have your answers: pissed, really pissed, and put the popcorn away.

Hey T.O. I bet I can drop more passes than you! I bet you can't Chad. Let's have a contest to find out.....

That’s all I have today ladies and gentlemen of the internet.  I hope you enjoyed the blog.  Here is your reward for reading to the end.  Have a great day.

After skinny jeans, this will be the hottest shit on the streets

Feel free to leave a comment.


2010 has officially come to an end.  It was a challenging year  to say the least.  I spent my first full calender year stateside in a long time, and I spent a good portion of it jacked up with injuries.  I watched the end of my career come and go, and get extended into 2011.  I witnessed the 9th birthday of my oldest daughter, the 6th of my second, and the 1st for my youngest.  I got my first year of home ownership out of the way as well.  Only 29 more years left.  My wife and I hit 10 years married in 2010.  In that 10 years that my wife and I have shared, not all of it was good, but all of it helped us both to grow into who we are now, and will continue to help us become who we are supposed to become.  I met some new people in 2010, and reacquainted myself with people I’d already met years before.  Some good, some bad, all worth knowing because they helped me to learn something.  We will just call 2010 the year of personal growth.

unless you are Ke$ha in which case 2010 was they year you were a huge no talent douche bag

Time to cover the holidays that have passed since my last blog, namely Christmas, and New Years.

Christmas was not a bad time at all.  We drove 5 1/2 hours from Jacksonville to Mount Holly NC to my mother’s house to celebrate.  The girls were all super excited to see grandma and get their gifts from her.  The wife and I were excited to be out of Jacksonville for at least a little while and spending time with family.  My mother was excited to be hosting us, and of course for another chance to spoil my children rotten as grandmothers are prone to do.

the bear was just the tip of the iceberg.......

We were all pretty excited to see snow falling Christmas day for our very first “White Christmas”.  In February we had snow, and in Okinawa we had a whopping 0 inches of snow over the course of 6 years.  The last time it snowed in Okinawa was in the 70’s.  So snow on Christmas day was a big deal to us.  The snow however was NOT cool when my dog had to go outside to do his bidness.  And speaking of that little asshole, my dog is the only animal in my house, other than my kids at times.

this could be any one of my daughters at any given time at any given day

Well my mother has 2 animals, one dog and one cat.  My dog had run ins with both animals but the run ins were of a completely different nature.  My mom’s dog Coco is a Boston Terrier Pit Bull mix.  She is small, and mostly sweet, but she has been known to be dog aggressive.  I don’t blame this on the breed so much as I do on her upbringing.  Coco is a rescue, and was abused as a pup and forced to fight full blood pit bulls for her food.  She has learned that ambush technique benefits her because of her small size.  This technique was brought to bear on my dog over a piece of rawhide chew toy.  This little dog latched onto my dog’s ear and he immediately began to cry out in pain.  My dog is not animal aggressive, nor is he human aggressive.  Nothing that I have seen.  He has never been attacked by any other animal, and he has never attacked another animal.  This was unchartered land for my pup.  Luckily my mother got there and pulled her dog off before I got there.  I would have been a bit violent upon my arrival.  That little dog might have stopped fighting other dogs forever at my hands, but that’s not how it went down.  My mom pulled her dog off, and put her in her room away from my dog for a while.  My dog only had minor scratches on the base of his ear, but that day he took his first L.  I can only hope he learned something from it.

this is Coco....

this is my dog, Shisaa....

Now onto the cat story.  My mother’s cat is named Lucky, and like most cats Lucky has a special place that he does his bidness.  That place is the litter box.  To most people the litter box is not a place you want to spend a lot of time.  Just clean the damned thing out and move on to other less disgusting things.

Unless you are these people. What the hell is going on over there!?

Well to good ol Shisaa the litter box looked a little bit different.  Allow my to illustrate how we see it:

normal people vision...

and how my dog sees it:

Shisaa vision

I could not keep that damned dog out of the cat box.  We all busted him snaking on cat poop.  I muzzled him, kicked his ass, yelled at him, and tried distracting him, none of it worked.  Since we don’t have a cat, we don’t have a cat box.  Since we don’t have a cat box, we can’t really train him on how to NOT eat cat shit.  The only time he comes in contact with a cat box is at my mom’s house.  Stupid dog!

"I told that dog to eat shit and die... well he's half way there..."

Time to cover New Years…. YAY!!

My lovely wife cooked Soki Soba.  Soki Soba is the Okinawan way of doing it.  The noodles are different from mainland Japan, and I think there is more meat in it.  We were all happy to be able to sit down and enjoy a piece of Okinawa from so far away.  It helped me remember all the good time we had there, and all the interesting people we met there.  It helped me to remember my wife’s family, they are some pretty cool people and I do miss them very much.  We followed that with Gyoza, rice, and I had a Kirin Ichiban beer at the ready.  Great meal to have with the family.


We then watched the New Years specials on like 3 different station to include NHK the Japanese station.  The girls tried to stay up, but the closest one to making it to midnight was Shaun, my youngest one.

"I told you I could hang with the big girls!"

After the clock struck 0000 and 2010 was officially over, they wife and I did share in the customary kiss and call it a night.  The girls will still wake up at the normal time which is at least 2 hours before either me of the wife want to be up so we had to prepare.  I know, we suck, but we have outlasted 80% of our friend’s marriages so we must be doing something right.

I now leave you with some words from the Book of Dirty:

Book of Dirty 7:19-7:23

Dirty made his New Years resolutions for the new year when the sky cracked with His God’s voice.  His God asked him why he chose this day to make positive changes to his life.  Dirt Diggler told His God that it was customary to do this on this day.  His God responded with “The day that you see change is needed is the best day to make changes.”

This is a picture I’ve been on the fence about putting on the blog, but here is goes.  If you feel this pic is inappropriate, just shoot me a message and I will take it of…. maybe.

someone... somewhere... thinks this 'chick' is hot as hell. Are you that someone?

It’s been quite some time since my last blog, and boy have things been busy.  Rianna’s team lost in the playoffs against the first team they lost to, yeah, the really big kids.  They put up much more of a fight this time, so I guess that’s a good thing.  We look forward to next year and my possibly coaching in some capacity.  Ayana and her team did well all season.  I got to ref a game, and it was the cleanest game all season.  No one was maimed or anything.  Good times.

They did good this year... real good.

Halloween has come and gone, and the stars of the show were the pumpkins.  We changed it up a little bit and added ears using leftover pieces and toothpicks.  I think they were well received by friends and trick or treaters alike.

yes, the little one with the cat ears is Shaun's pumpkin, so cute!

Thanksgiving has just concluded, and my cousin, mother and her fiancée came out to visit our home.  It was great having them here.  I enjoyed spending time with them, so did my wife.  The girls were the most happy of all.  For Rianna she gets to play with her older cousin and finally get some competition.  For Ayana, she got to hang out with her Grandma Lynn who she absolutely adores.  Shaun got to reacquaint herself with my mom and her peeps, and establish dominance over another group of adults.  We had a bit of an abbreviated spread, but a well prepared one nonetheless.  We had the traditional turkey, complete with stuffing, baked pasta shells and cheese, more stuffing, a secret mixture of greens with a smoked turkey wing, and dinner rolls and home-made turkey gravy.  The wife made a bad ass Cobb Salad for this occasion as well.  For dessert we all had home-made sweet potato pie with home-made whipped cream that I put WAAAAYYYY too much damned sugar in, but the kids liked it sooooo, I guess it all worked out.  Did I mention the turkey was 26.5 pounds?  I didn’t huh?  Well the damned turkey was 26.5 pounds.  The biggest turkey I’ve cooked ever.  My wife told me to get a bigger turkey, and me being the dumb-ass Marine that I am, decided to go WAY TOO BIG.  Now we have enough turkey to last us until New Years Eve.  That doesn’t even remotely sound appealing.  Uggghh!  Did I mention that I cooked all this food?  No?!  Well I did, but the gravy was lovingly prepared by my wife and mother.  It was great to see them work together.   It’s not really that big a deal that I cooked, it’s one of the few times I get to put my cooking skills on display, so I do enjoy it a little, and I want my little ladies to find a man who has SOME domestic skills as well .  Here is a little sample of what we were enjoying:

just a little sample....


Now time to discus the XBox 360.  It had died a while ago and I was postponing the repair.  Partially because I was lazy, but mostly because I was worried about killing it for good.  My neighbor’s XBox 360 went tits up as well, and he approached me with the request that we do a joint repair.  For some reason this made me want to get mine done.  For some unexplained reason, I really wanted to fix mine…. oh wait, it had nothing to do with my neighbor, I wanted an XBox 360 kinect and didn’t want to buy a new system.  I resented that my machine suddenly died, and I had no more desire in giving Microsoft more money to replace a machine THEY made with piss poor workmanship, and sub par parts than I did in having a bum stab me with a box cutter.  It just so happened that my neighbor came along as I was feeling like this, and it got his machine fixed as well.  What a bargain.  So with my machine repaired, I headed to the only place I KNEW would have the Kinect Sensor Bar the day AFTER Black Friday…. K-Mart.  I was so sure that I refused to call ahead to ensure they had one, I felt it in my bones.  Why was I so sure you ask, because NO ONE SHOPS AT K-MART!!  Everyone goes to wally world (Wal-Mart), Target, the PX or some store OTHER than K-Mart.  That’s how I knew.  SO I get to K-Mart, and there it is, just as I prophesied.  I picked one up, along with a fighting game that lets you use your own punches, knees, kicks, elbows, and head butts to beat live, or computer opponents, this would prove to be somewhat of a mistake.  We will return to that thought in a few, the Kinect came with a game, it’s kinda like Wii Sports, but even more embarrassing.  We put the game in the resurrected XBox 360, and get ready to flail about like it’s nobody’s business.


Plus this.....

Equals this. Yes that is the Funky Chicken....

Flail we did, it tracked our every movement, it recorded whose faces were in the background, and worse of all, it took stills at certain times when you would be undoubtedly in a compromising position.  This is WAAAYYY worse that the Wii could ever hope to be in terms of embarrassment.



I did however break a sweat, but I was downright winded playing the fighting game.  It was a total bastard of a game.  I won most of my matches, but I had to put a lot of effort into it.  It took my flail game to a whole new level.  I was punching and kicking like I was fighting off a rapist, but not just any rapist, a really ugly rapist.

Remember this?


After sufficiently making myself look like an ass in front of all my immediate family, and sweating profusely in the process, I decided to hand it up for the day, or at least for a little while.  After my mother and her entourage left for home, I got the house a little more clean, and returned back to the source of my tired back, and salty forehead.  The damned Kinect.  I gave it a more concentrated effort, and I was rewarded with more sweat, and even with the smaller crowd, surprisingly more embarrassment.  I do not write these words to admonish the Kinect, quite the contrary.  The Kinect is a technological marvel, and I wish the PS3 had it instead because it’s a better machine.  I just want people to know that you WILL sweat, you WILL flail around like your having a Grand Mal Seizure, and you WILL look and feel like an ass in the process.  Go out and get one, lock the doors, turn of the A/C, and give yourself hell.  Enjoy!  Feel free to leave a comment.

Just a thought, should I pose a question at the end of the blog?  Just a question.


What I think of most people....


Yeah, thats right.  I blame your parents.  I blame them for you, all your previous failures, and all you future failures.  I blame them for your inability to behave in public.  I blame them for allowing you to grow into an internet tough guy or gal.  I blame them for your disgusting hygiene habits.  I blame them for your inability to clean.  I blame them for your inability to take blame for your own actions (I figured I’d blame them before you did in therapy).  I blame them for your overall inability to function in society.  And mostly I blame them for telling you failure is acceptable and allowing you to live under their roofs until your damned mid 20’s early 30’s.

Americas youth, and adults for the most part has become as mentally soft as cream puffs.  While I don’t deal with the mass population on a day to day, I deal with a select few that supposed to be the best America has to offer, Marines.  The young Marines I have to deal with for the most part are OK.  I’m not perfect by any measure, but that’s on me, not my mom.  There are a few that just don’t seem to get it.  A few that don’t understand the importance of punctuality.  A few that can’t or won’t grasp the concept of accountability.  Some that fail to realize how important washing your ass is, as well as brushing your nasty ass teeth.  How about cleaning at all?  Cooking?  Anything?  Do you have any independence at all?  Nope.  This is a select few this applies to, not everyone.

There are some things I have a problem with that are cultural with my younger counterparts.  Weak mentalities seem to be what’s hot right now.  People simply cannot deal with stress at all these days.  Stress defines who you are.  Everyone is awesome when things are going great, but people go to shit when their situation does.  Just a rant.  Leave a comment if you want.  I will update the girls’ football games later today unless I’m drunk.

Today we close another chapter in our football foray.  The girls both played the Raiders.  The Pee Wee Raiders game started off great.  The kids were playing clean, they were having fun and it was competitive.  Then it happened.  Some little turd with ADD just loses his shit and starts tackling people.  I mean, a kid was on the ground for three seconds and then here comes this little jackass jumping on him and damn near injuring him.  We need to get this kid ready for the penal system.

I wanted to do this to him, after I beat him, and his parents..... stupid parents

It would not have been a big deal if the refs (one was the Stallions coach who teaches his kids to play dirty, and the other was just along for the ride) would have thrown a flag and penalized the little bastard.  But no, they let it slide.  So now the other kids slowly turn up the dial on playing dirty and now we got kids getting clothes lined.  Some of our kids started throwing punches, and understandably so.  If the refs let this little turd hurt me like this, then I need to defend myself.  After the punches were thrown the refs called both teams in to talk to them.  It didn;t work, they others still did dirty shit, and no one said anything to them.  But on the flipside, Ayana got a fair share of carries today.  The does not waste time when she gets the ball.  Straight ahead, and damn you if you are in the way.  It was great to see her truck those dirty bastards.  They ended up losing the game 2-1, but it could have easily been the other way, it just depended on how well the refs wanted to do their jobs.

Time to get a move on little girl!!!!

Rianna’s team also lost their game, but it was well played from beginning to end.  I can’t complain too much about the refs, they did OK.  The kids came out with no fear.  They went to the whistle.  Both defenses were stingy with yards, neither giving up much to the other.  There was not one single punt for the whole game.  Awesome.  Our running backs showed some flashes Rianna included, however they all got too used to running east and west and would not cut upfield soon enough missing out on big plays.

Let's run this play yo!!!

The game went to double overtime before we finally lost.  Everyone was happy that they played that hard.  Rianna even made a key stop on a breakaway play to stop the touchdown.  She played the WHOLE GAME.

Rianna as a linebacker... WHAT!?!?

Shaun got to run around in the grass and play with other small children.  We also learned that she thinks grass is the best thing ever.

So THIS is grass huh? Pretty cool stuff!

So once again the girls provided plenty of entertainment today.  We are proud of how much effort they put into playing today.  We don;t have to force them, they WANT to be active.  We are lucky in that sense.  One more thing, I had a parent teacher conference with Rianna’s teacher.  Turns out that Rianna is currently reading at a 5th grade level.  I told her that if she tests out to 6th grade or above, I will get her something nice.  I don’t know what I want to get her though.  If you have an idea, or just want to leave a comment, hit me up with a comment.

Well, Monday was another game in the books for Ayana.  A stunning overtime (I know, really?) loss for her Pee Wee Flag Football team.  I saw some interesting things during the game.  It was refreshing not to see the level of dirty play that I saw in the game Saturday, but kids will be kids, and somethings did happen.  Ayana had a habit of grabbing kids, and hip tossing them to the ground, and then pursuing the ball.  I never taught her how to hip toss, so I figure it’s something she picked up from some other kids out there playing ball.  I saw many kids just get dragged to the turf, and I saw some kids get full on tackled.  As long as it’s not go over the top, I kept things frosty.  But Ayana played like a little girl possessed.  She was all over the field, making stop after stop.  She even got a couple of sacks on the QB.  We are so proud of her for how well she did on Monday, once she understand exactly what the hell football is, she will be awesome.  She has another game on Saturday along with Rianna, so I will keep you all updated.  After I found all the pieces of my head and got myself together, I spoke with both coaches about the B.S. that was Saturday’s Termite game.


Remember this guy? Yeah, me too.....



I hope we have found some common ground on the basis that the best kids should get the ball.  Let’s wait and see what happens with that one because apparently I wasn’t the only parent pissed that the coach kept calling his son’s number over others with more talent.  A couple other parents and even another coach spoke with the coach about Rianna not getting any runs.  Mostly moms, and I think it’s because Rianna represents girl power for these women.  The fact that she is a gamer and plays better that damn near all the boys on the team makes her something other than a novelty.  They want to see her do well for little girls everywhere.  Like I said, it’s a girl power thing.  To me, it’s just that Rianna is my kid, and therefore kicks ass.  Plain and simple.

Speaking of Rianna, I got a rather interesting note from her teacher today.  Apparently, Rianna and another little girl decided that it would be appropriate to draw grown lady parts on some artwork to turned in.


this is the half that Rianna drew. (not actual artwork but you get the picture)


I did my best to handle this one, but ultimately Eriko had to step in and take the reins as she was once, a little girl.  There was a lengthy conversation about how that is unacceptable in school here (apparently not so much a crime in Japan), and that she shouldn’t do it again.  In all reality, we have 3 very well-behaved kids.  We don’t have kids stealing things.  We don’t have kids setting things on fire.  We don’t have kids beating the snot out of other people’s kids (other than in football).  We don’t have kids that suck at school.  We have pretty good kids.  Not perfect, better than perfect.  They are tailor-made for entertainment, and they have helped my wife and I grow in ways unimaginable.


Better than perfect!

If you have better than perfect kids, can relate to the blog, or just want to leave a comment to be immortalized on my blog, feel free to leave a comment.



Go Panthers!



Today both my daughters had football games.  Ayana had a game at 8:00 and Rianna had hers at 11:00.  It’s also Rianna’s birthday.  I had to wake up early because I had to go to RCP so I was not necessarily the happiest guy out of the bed, but its’ my big girl’s birthday so I put on a smile and try to make the best out of MY situation and not let it affect her on her day.  So I get on base and report in to do PT I’m really not able to do just because someone in the Bn thinks wasting people time all the time is a great idea, and I’m told I can go home.  So I get to the game, ready to see Ayana’s team whip it on and play some good football.  What I saw was the dirtiest football I ever seen on any level.  I saw kids on our team get elbowed in the face, I saw kids get kneed in the junk on our team, and I saw some little bastard tackle Ayana by her hair, but she didn’t have the ball.  He just grabbed her hair, and took her down.  No one correct anyone on any of these instances.  The ref was fucking blind, and the other teams coach was too busy sucking himself off to correct his kids, and make them play clean football.


This would have happened if they had helmets, and it would have gone uncalled....



I was disgusted after Ayana’s game, and I let a few folks know how classless the whole ordeal was.  But I digress, Rianna’s game was next, and I just knew the birthday girl was gonna do good things today.  I was wrong.  Wrong as hell.  The offensive coach was more concerned with is slow scared son getting the ball than anything.  I watched the little guy lose more yards than anything else.  I think he had one carry for positive yards.  Rianna was put out on the wing just to block for this kid.  Fucking really?  You take one of the smallest and fasted kids on your team and make her fucking block for one of the biggest and slowest (and scaredest) kids on the field?  Is that whats hot right now.  Is bullshit always on the menu?  Now we were getting our asses kicked, and when I brought up that Rianna might do better than the coaches son, I was told “well… in a game like this….”  What the fuck does that mean?  A game like what?  A game like when some slow ass non running back keeps getting the ball instead of the faster natural kids.  That kid of game?  Or is it because she’s a girl and your scared that she will get hurt?  Just let me know what’s really up with your shitty play calling, I’m all ears.


This guy is not a running back. I just have a feeling that he might make a better lineman. Just a hunch....



In the first game I heard a parent challenge the coach, the coach responded with the comment “do you want to coach?”  I hope to God I hear that come out of his mouth, because I know I would do a better job then they did, drunk, and half sleep I could coach better.  If you couldn’t tell by my creative wording, I’m rather upset about my day so far.


upset is an understatement......



It’s still early in the day, I hope it goes better, because it’s not about me today, it’s about Rianna.  She should have fun today.  I will do my best to make sure she does.   Have you guys ever been done dirty like that?  If so, feel free to leave a comment.  Feedback is always welcome.

Sorry it took so long to get this blog posted.  It’s been a whirlwind of activity for my family and I.  This blog will not be as extravagant as past blogs because I feel I have to compress a lot of time into a little space, and only one funny thing happened that would rate a picture.  With that out of the way, lets get down to da bidness.

Rianna had a game a week ago.  It was the make-up game that was cancelled due to the storm.  From the time I laid eyes upon the other team, I knew we had a chance to win.  The kids were not overly huge like the last team was, and we had tightened up some of out tackling and discipline within the team.  The kids felt more confident going in as well after surviving the butt kicking they took last time.  Playing kids their size as a welcome change.  Rianna was the kicker, tight end, and running back.  She did well at every position.  She ran hard and picked up some tough yards from the start to finish.  About 7-12 yards per carry is what I’d say she was putting down.  She also did well at tight end, making several key blocks and allowing other runners to cut up-field earlier and make better plays.  Of course I would have loved to see her as the primary back taking all the carries, but I am biased as she is MY daughter, and no matter what I’ll always think she is awesome (even though she is awesome).  I didn’t have to scrape her off the turf at all in this game, and once we though she was going to hit the corner at full speed and cut up field, but this one kid was always there to make the tackle, he was just fast enough to get there from the safety position but in the open field I think he would have been toast.  Overall I was proud of her and I look forward to watching her play again.  I tried to record this game, but they had the damn sticks in front of my camera constantly.  Damned annoying is what that is, but I’ll set up on the other side next time for a better shot.

We went to my mother’s house this weekend to celebrate Rianna’s birthday with family.  My uncle Ralph came down with his family, as well as my mother’s boyfriend Mack.  The house was packed, but we all had a really good time.  The directions Google Maps, and my Droid gave us took us on a rather scenic route.  We passed by some beautiful land, and that made the 5 1/2 hour trip go by a little faster.  While we were there celebrating Rianna’s birthday, something else happened that’s worth mentioning.  My mother’s boyfriend formally proposed to my mother in front of everyone.  It was great to finally see that happen, and with a crowd of loved ones no less.  She deserves to be happy with someone after all the work she has done for the family, and I hope they keep it going forever.

When I returned to work on Tuesday, things were pretty much as usual.  Well mostly everything.  I was leaving the parking lot at work when this devil dumbass is driving down a clearly marked path against traffic.  Needless to say, he was jacking traffic up all kinds of ways.  I think he drove over 2 opposite facing arrows on the way to the ass-chewing I had in store for him.


Big arrows like this one....



... and this one



Needless to say, I just had to have a word with LCpl Jackass in his brand new Dodge Avenger.  I told him in so many words that he was wrong, to back up, turn around, and go the right way.  He gave the proper response and began to back up.  This is where things get interesting.  He decides to back into a small space instead of a larger one.  And he does this right next to a parked GMC Sierra SUV from the early 80s/70s, yeah, an all steel gas guzzling tank of a truck.  So we have: 1. LCpl with no driving skills 2. backing new car into tight space 3. next to giant SUV that is nearly indestructible 4. without a ground guide.  What happened is exactly what you think happened.  He backed into the giant indestructible SUV from the days of yore and destroyed his rear light and quarter panel.  Now my eyes were elsewhere as this is happening, but the sound of his NEW car buckling under his poor driving skill brought my eyes to where the action was.  He pulled forward and noticed the huge damage discrepancy that he just caused, and at this point I pulled forward.  I ask him if the SUV was damaged, he said no, so I told him to go find who drives it and show him what happened.  At that point I pulled forward and left the lot, fighting laughter the whole way.


HAHAHAHAHA... dipshit....

If I hadn’t JUST written a blog about how shitty drivers are out here it probably would not have been as funny, but to me just proved a point: Licenses are WAY to easy to get in this state, and we should probably institute and IQ test to limit the size of vehicle we allow these jackasses to drive to minimize the damage when they invariably hit someone or something.  Well that’s all I got for this entry.  As I always say, feel free to leave a comment.  Leaving comments lets me know you care, and that my effort was at lest mildly enjoyable.  Thanx and tell a friend.



Well, the girls have played their first games this weekend, and I’m a bit surprised by the results.  I really had no frame of reference going in, but even then, I just knew things would be different than they were.  I got bamboozled into coaching this game and could not take pictures, but Ayana’s Pee Wee Panthers played against the Pee Wee Titans first and won.  The starting offense and defense did very well.  They did whatever they wanted to when they wanted to.  It was like magic in the forest.  The other kids, you know… the little littles ones were a different story for both sides.  They were off the chain with what they would do.  Some lined up on the wrong side of the ball, some just stood there, and one kid on the Titans played keep away with the ball with every adult out there, during the game.  Funny stuff!  I had a kid tell me he was gonna kill me and my team and the we were going down.  A 5 year old felt the need to talk shit to me.  I was dying laughing inside, just laughing as much as I could, all the while trying to herd these little people and give this chaos some sense of order.  Ayana actually crushed some little boy, who landed flat on his back and started crying.  I had no idea if that was OK out here with the little ones, so I approached Ayana and had a stern look on my face, which got her to start crying.  I never scolded her, and I told her good job once I noticed the ref did not throw a flag.  A few seconds later she was OK, and right back out there.  Ayana has one hell of a mean streak under all the curls, dimples, and pony tails.  I left that game sweaty (it was really hot on Saturday), and proud of my 2nd daughter.

Rianna’s Termite Panthers played the Termite Stallions.  I also coached this game which is why there are no pictures.  First thing I noticed was the size difference.  The Stallions were on average 2-3 time bigger than our kids.  This was NOT a good thing, as the kids noticed this discrepancy as well.  They played the game with absolutely no sense of urgency, no hustle, and a heightened feeling of fear.  They were visibly scared of these big ass kids, and in turn those big ass kids wore their asses out.  The Stallions ran where they wanted, and scored at will.  Turns out that none of the kids on Rianna’s team tackle her in practice, because they can’t tackle very well anyway.  Arm tackles were run though, shaken off, and promptly scored on.  Rianna got a few carries for negative yards because they were hitting her at the exchange.  Our QB was getting hit 2 steps into his drop.  It was an embarrassing, and frustrating game to be part of.  All in all, we got our asses whipped.  I had to carry Rianna off the field on two separate occasions because she was laying on the ground crying because someone tackled her with some force and it hurt.  Relax, she just fine, but we told her that we were not going to baby her just because she was a girl.  She asked US to play football, and crying was not going to cut it.  She did have a pretty exciting kick return where she took the ball to the 50 from the 30, but other than that they kept her whole team bottled up.  We did score once on a kick return.  We had so many chances that we were bound to make one work by blind luck.  I can foresee practice getting a little more intense in the coming weeks.  The coaches will have to tell the parents that little Johnny is about to get his ass kicked for his own good, because football is a brutal sport on any level.  The training has to be brutal as well, and that some kids will not like it.  But either they get their asses handed to them in practice, and have fun during the games, or they have fun during practice, and get their asses whipped during the games, Mothers of America will have to decide.

Moving on from football to other updates.  Our garbage disposal went tits up this week.  We were absolutely delighted to hear the sound of it breaking, and henceforth be unable to use half of our sink.  I’ve got my eye on a new one, but it will have to wait for at least a week before I pull the trigger on it.  The broken one is a InSinkerator brand Badger.

One of those parts no worky

I wish I could replace it with this:

This is a real badger. They eat garbage right?

I just have to figure out how to keep this little guy under my sink.

The wife and I also switched out our bath puffs (bite me!).  I was in charge of this task, and I THOUGHT I knocked it out of the park.  But alas, I did not.  When I bought home what I though was a gentle exfoliating bath puff, was actually a new age scouring pad in disguise.  You know the old school one that your only use on cast iron pans.  The ones that will STRIP ALL THE TEFLON OFF YOUR PANS IN ONE SHOT.  Yeah, that’s what I brought home.  I took a shower, and was physically assaulted by this thing.  It was horrible.  I had to warn the wife, with her still dealing with allergy related hives, I could not let her walk into an ambush I inadvertently set.  I just got some new ones, lets hope I didn’t screw this one up as well.

What I thought I was buying......

what I actually bought home.....

I return to work this coming week.  Needless to say, I am really excited (no, not really at all.)  I get to catch up on things missed (crap other people should have done but didn’t), and see people I haven’t seen in a while (really not in a rush to see them ever again).  Returning to work should be joyous, and I look forward to it.(need I comment on the implied sarcasm?)

But I don't want to!

Well, that about wraps it up.  Feel free to leave a comment.  In fact, I IMPLORE you to leave a comment!

After a few weeks of practice, I can see improvement in the girls at practice.  Both seem to be having a great time out there running around with the other children, and that has to help things along.  I mean, who put their all into something they don’t like doing, I sure as hell don’t (just ask my co-workers (just kidding)).

Ayana is getting the basic of flag pulling and pursuit down pretty good.  She is also really good at pushing other kids over when she has to block.  I would like to say that I have mixed feeling about Ayana making other kids cry, but I don’t so I won’t (assholish of me?).  There are a lot of younger ones on her team, and only a few older or bigger kids.  Only one other kid consistently out runs her, but she runs with a smile on her face and does not give up so I’m happy either way.

Watching Rianna practice is like watching someone play Madden Football on the PS3.  She stiff-arms, jukes, spins, hurdles, and I think she has a turbo button somewhere.  She does not have a “truck stick”, but she does have a “hit stick”.  Lets update it and call it the “Highlight Stick”.  I’ve seen her disappear from in front of one kid, only to re-appear in back of him on her way to practice glory.  I’ve also seen her destroy other kids as they run the ball in the drills.  When the did tackling drills last night, the coach made the lane wider, and told the kids with the ball to do whatever they wanted in order to score, and he told the kids on defense to stop them.  Rianna juked the kid and went airborne for her score, then she smacked another kid and stopped him dead in his tracks when she was on defense.  I mean she closed on him and just took him down.  It was amazing to watch.

Rianna is the one in the white

It feels good as a father to see my kids do well in anything.  My wife and I are so proud of them both.  This weekend they have their first games.  We just want to get this started so we can see how it all works out.  Feel free to leave a comment.