Holiday Season, Beer Crisis, More Damned Surgery, and Other Stuff

Well people, the final countdown has began.  I have a surgery to fix my ankle scheduled for 14 January 2011.  I’m excited, as well as apprehensive.  A lot can go wrong when you are on the table and someone is cutting you open to rearrange your parts, but a lot can go right as well.  I was apparently born with a defect in my ankle that only 1% of the population has.  There is connective tissue binding two bones in my foot/ankle that greatly restrict movement causing all sorts of issues.  The x-rays of my foot/ankle show a haze around the bones.  When asked what causes the haze, it’s basically scar tissue, and bone chips, yes bone chips.  I also have traumatic arthritis in my big toe as a result of limited movement.  It’s called Calcaneal Navicular Fibrus Coalition, and here is a picture.

If I could count the times I've wrecked my ankle.....

On to other things, it’s the holiday season.  Time to bust out the plastic and charge yourself into credit oblivion in an attempt to prove to your family that you do in fact love them.  Never mind that you feed and clothe them the whole year.  Never mind that you pay for housing, utilities, and all sorts of other shit.  Never mind that you had to give them a birthday gift at some other point in the year.  NOW is the time to show them how much you love them.  And you show them by buying all sorts of bullshit that they don’t need, and will only use for a month, tops.  How about we just hand out and enjoy the company of family?  How about we show someone how much we love them by giving them the gift of wisdom?  Hand down some wisdom the way our grandparents did.  Tell stories, give advice, if you don’t have any wisdom to hand down, give them books, anything that will give their minds a chance to imagine.  Enlighten people, gift them some culture, manners, functionality, not just the shiny new shit.

If there was a cool enough commercial for this, your kids would want it. Would you buy it for them?

I guess this enlightens... I guess

And a classic favorite…. Dora!!

Fail, just plain ol' fail.....

There is no time like Beer:30.  Beer:30 is my favorite time of the day, right after Boobs o’clock and Vag:15.  As a result of my love for beer, I became a small time brewer.  I only brew 6 gallons at a time, but the beer is normally anywhere from 6% to 8.5% so it’s really drinking with efficiency.

My beer has done this to at least one person that I know of.....

... and this as well.

One time in Okinawa, the airlocks on one of my brewing kegs got clogged and the damned thing blew up.  With my wife in the room.  While I was at work.  We almost had the same thing happen early this morning.  The airlocks were all clogged on all my kegs.  My wife could here the seeping of air under pressure and woke me up.  I took action, and I was sprayed with beer along with my wall but we got it all under control.

The brewery AFTER we got things under control. Close call........

I really look forward to bottling, and then drinking the hell out of the beer pictured above.  Check the names of the brews,  Good stuff.

Rianna has started to do better at school, and that makes us all happy.  Ayana’s grades have always been good as she is only in the 1st grade, and honestly, it’s kinda hard to fuck 1st grade up, but she’s doing very well either way.  Her grandmother got her a giant teddy bear for Christmas.  I mean A GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!

I think it has a Social Security card, and works at the local Food Lion when not being snuggled by my daughters.

Tomorrow my family will pile into my wife’s 2007 Mazda 5 along with the dog and drive 6 1/2 hours to the Charlotte are to visit my mom for Christmas.  My 6 year old absolutely adores her grandmother and is so excited to hand out with her.  My oldest is excited that she gets to play with her cousins.  My wife and I are excited to visit, and that the kids are excited.  The dog pretty much has shown indifference to the whole thing, and the baby is pretty much just hanging out with us, and is down to travel for hugs.

I now leave you with a passage from the Book of Dirty and some words of wisdom

Book Of Dirty 5:30 – 5:35

And then Dirt Diggler asked of his God “do you want us, Your creations to be happy?”  His God responded “yes, I do” and then blessed them with a case of the finest beer man would ever know.  He said onto Dirt Diggler ” I have given you beer, and the knowledge to make more beer.  You now have irrevocable proof that I love you, and want you to be happy.”  Dirt Diggler saw the beer, heard his God’s word and did in fact know that he was loved, and to be happy.

 

Be careful out there and try not to over indulge.  Too many other people will make complete drunken assholes of themselves in the next couple of weeks, don’t be the next one, unless that’s your role in the family.

Know your role... I guess.

Ladies be especially careful.  No one wants to be a victim.  And there are other reasons as well.  Allow me to illustrate.

Just push the "I believe button"....

Well enjoy the holidays and feel free to leave a comment.  You can condemn me, praise me, or otherwise but leave a comment so I know you’re not ignoring me.  Thank you.  Happy Holidays!!

This will happen to someone this year. Is it you?

Freedom?

Today, as I write this blog I should be free.  12 December 2010 marked the end of my obligated service to the United States Marine Corps.  It was a day I looked forward to for years.  A day I would no longer worry about what time formation was.  A day where PT had whatever meaning I wanted it to have.  Where if some 20 year old gets a DUI, I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  A day where the only thing that mattered was my ability to do my job, and take care of my family.  That day was today.  But it IS NOT today.  My EAS was pushed back to mid April so I may get my foot and ankle worked on, and to give my shoulder time to heal.  A sacrifice that recently I had been questioning as a wise one.  It doesn’t matter if you really look at it though, I was not ready to separate now.  I still had things to do, it is what it is.  I will miss certain aspects of Marine life.  You can’t do something with your entire adult life and not become attached to the routine.

See you guys on the other side. It was fun..... sometimes.

There are some things I won’t miss though……

Look! It's common sense!!! KILL IT!!!!!

another OPS meeting. We NEVER EVER learned....

And my favorite, mass punishment

Fuck it, frag em all. That'll teach em!

Now that my Marine career is technically in its twilight…

..not these douche bags though....

.. I am finding time to get back into some of the things that made me happy.  Things like making beer, doing music, and most of all, relaxing.  I really enjoy relaxing.  Relaxing by myself, relaxing with the wife, relaxing with the whole family, just relaxing in general.  Unfortunately my life has a fair amount of drama, and without some sort of decompression time, I will flip out and bad things will happen.  Part of being a father and husband is understanding that your actions affect your whole family, and not just you.  Growing up and maturing teaches you that.  I think this week as horrible as it was good for me, I did a lot of growing.  Good prep for the real world.

What the hell is the deal with all the cracked windshields, and stripper angel/devil vinyls in Jacksonville?  Every third car has a cracked windshield, every fourth has those dumbass angel/devil stripper vinyls.

Seriously???!!!

Why!?!? Fucking WHY!?!?

I could see the first person getting the vinyls and it being kinda cool.  Especially if this person was either a stripper, owned a strip club, or had relations with strippers.  The next 2000 jackasses to get it however, simply made it uber-lame.  I even went so far as to ask the vendors why people buy these stupid vinyls.  They honestly could not explain it themselves.  What does that say about the population of Jacksonville?  Nothing good, nothing good at all.  Calvin pissing on this was bad enough, but that combined with this and numerous other redneck oriented, southern gangsta vinyls.

This shit makes no damn sense.....

New York is no exception, you people have surprisingly been following the stupid vinyl trend as well, especially my Latin brethren.

Nobody fucking cares!!!!

I can understand that you are proud of yourself, where you are from, your car club blah blah blah, but have some fucking taste and originality.  There is no reason to cut the value of your car in half by making it into a billboard for a product you don’t even have stock in.  Just sayin….  Oh and one more thing.. J-Lo is a no talent hack.

the only place a fat ass makes you talented is the strip club... get there.....

I now leave you with a couple of passages from the Book of Dirty.  Feel free to read them, think about them, discuss them, or ignore them.  Whatever makes you happy.

Book of Dirty 1:22 – 1:20
And in His darkest hour Dirt Diggler was alone. He was fearful for His family, and His own well being. He looked towards the Heavens for some reasoning. And he cried out to His God “WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME HERE SURROUNDED BY THESE SERPENTS!?”. His God answered by shining a beam of light upon Dirt Diggler and revealing to him a great truth.  His God revealed onto Dirt Diggler that the serpent existed in His life only to provide an evil to contrast the good in His life. Dirt Diggler did not understand. He asked “Why must the serpent be so evil when it does not benifit the serpent?” His God responded “It is the nature of the serpent to be evil, that is how I created it.”

Book of Dirty 3:7 – 3:12
Dirt Diggler looked upon his children, and he was happy.  His daughters were healthy, and happy, but ultimately unfinished.  If they were to replace Dirt Diggler and his wife, they would have to grow as Dirt Digger did.  They would have to know pain, failure, and betrayal.  So Dirt Diggler did not shield the world from them.  He let them learn pain, failure, and betrayal, but he stood with them and let them borrow His strength to persevere and truly grow from their experiences.

Thank you for reading this far.  I feel the need to reward you for your dedication.

Love is a beautiful thing. Really it is. Enjoy life!

As usual, feel free to leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, feedback of any kind is always welcome.

P.S. We recently crested the 600 hits mark.  YAY!!

Enjoying the Holidays, and Introducing the XBox Kinect: A New Way to Look Like an Ass in Your Own Home

It’s been quite some time since my last blog, and boy have things been busy.  Rianna’s team lost in the playoffs against the first team they lost to, yeah, the really big kids.  They put up much more of a fight this time, so I guess that’s a good thing.  We look forward to next year and my possibly coaching in some capacity.  Ayana and her team did well all season.  I got to ref a game, and it was the cleanest game all season.  No one was maimed or anything.  Good times.

They did good this year... real good.

Halloween has come and gone, and the stars of the show were the pumpkins.  We changed it up a little bit and added ears using leftover pieces and toothpicks.  I think they were well received by friends and trick or treaters alike.

yes, the little one with the cat ears is Shaun's pumpkin, so cute!

Thanksgiving has just concluded, and my cousin, mother and her fiancée came out to visit our home.  It was great having them here.  I enjoyed spending time with them, so did my wife.  The girls were the most happy of all.  For Rianna she gets to play with her older cousin and finally get some competition.  For Ayana, she got to hang out with her Grandma Lynn who she absolutely adores.  Shaun got to reacquaint herself with my mom and her peeps, and establish dominance over another group of adults.  We had a bit of an abbreviated spread, but a well prepared one nonetheless.  We had the traditional turkey, complete with stuffing, baked pasta shells and cheese, more stuffing, a secret mixture of greens with a smoked turkey wing, and dinner rolls and home-made turkey gravy.  The wife made a bad ass Cobb Salad for this occasion as well.  For dessert we all had home-made sweet potato pie with home-made whipped cream that I put WAAAAYYYY too much damned sugar in, but the kids liked it sooooo, I guess it all worked out.  Did I mention the turkey was 26.5 pounds?  I didn’t huh?  Well the damned turkey was 26.5 pounds.  The biggest turkey I’ve cooked ever.  My wife told me to get a bigger turkey, and me being the dumb-ass Marine that I am, decided to go WAY TOO BIG.  Now we have enough turkey to last us until New Years Eve.  That doesn’t even remotely sound appealing.  Uggghh!  Did I mention that I cooked all this food?  No?!  Well I did, but the gravy was lovingly prepared by my wife and mother.  It was great to see them work together.   It’s not really that big a deal that I cooked, it’s one of the few times I get to put my cooking skills on display, so I do enjoy it a little, and I want my little ladies to find a man who has SOME domestic skills as well .  Here is a little sample of what we were enjoying:

just a little sample....

YOU WILL OBEY ME!!!!

Now time to discus the XBox 360.  It had died a while ago and I was postponing the repair.  Partially because I was lazy, but mostly because I was worried about killing it for good.  My neighbor’s XBox 360 went tits up as well, and he approached me with the request that we do a joint repair.  For some reason this made me want to get mine done.  For some unexplained reason, I really wanted to fix mine…. oh wait, it had nothing to do with my neighbor, I wanted an XBox 360 kinect and didn’t want to buy a new system.  I resented that my machine suddenly died, and I had no more desire in giving Microsoft more money to replace a machine THEY made with piss poor workmanship, and sub par parts than I did in having a bum stab me with a box cutter.  It just so happened that my neighbor came along as I was feeling like this, and it got his machine fixed as well.  What a bargain.  So with my machine repaired, I headed to the only place I KNEW would have the Kinect Sensor Bar the day AFTER Black Friday…. K-Mart.  I was so sure that I refused to call ahead to ensure they had one, I felt it in my bones.  Why was I so sure you ask, because NO ONE SHOPS AT K-MART!!  Everyone goes to wally world (Wal-Mart), Target, the PX or some store OTHER than K-Mart.  That’s how I knew.  SO I get to K-Mart, and there it is, just as I prophesied.  I picked one up, along with a fighting game that lets you use your own punches, knees, kicks, elbows, and head butts to beat live, or computer opponents, this would prove to be somewhat of a mistake.  We will return to that thought in a few, the Kinect came with a game, it’s kinda like Wii Sports, but even more embarrassing.  We put the game in the resurrected XBox 360, and get ready to flail about like it’s nobody’s business.

This........

Plus this.....

Equals this. Yes that is the Funky Chicken....

Flail we did, it tracked our every movement, it recorded whose faces were in the background, and worse of all, it took stills at certain times when you would be undoubtedly in a compromising position.  This is WAAAYYY worse that the Wii could ever hope to be in terms of embarrassment.

Lies!!!

Truths!!!

I did however break a sweat, but I was downright winded playing the fighting game.  It was a total bastard of a game.  I won most of my matches, but I had to put a lot of effort into it.  It took my flail game to a whole new level.  I was punching and kicking like I was fighting off a rapist, but not just any rapist, a really ugly rapist.

YES OFFICER, THAT'S THE ONE. THAT ONE RIGHT THERE!!!!

After sufficiently making myself look like an ass in front of all my immediate family, and sweating profusely in the process, I decided to hand it up for the day, or at least for a little while.  After my mother and her entourage left for home, I got the house a little more clean, and returned back to the source of my tired back, and salty forehead.  The damned Kinect.  I gave it a more concentrated effort, and I was rewarded with more sweat, and even with the smaller crowd, surprisingly more embarrassment.  I do not write these words to admonish the Kinect, quite the contrary.  The Kinect is a technological marvel, and I wish the PS3 had it instead because it’s a better machine.  I just want people to know that you WILL sweat, you WILL flail around like your having a Grand Mal Seizure, and you WILL look and feel like an ass in the process.  Go out and get one, lock the doors, turn of the A/C, and give yourself hell.  Enjoy!  Feel free to leave a comment.

Just a thought, should I pose a question at the end of the blog?  Just a question.

Worst. Date. Ever. And Other Assorted Updates

A friend of mine, lets call this person “subject M” went on a date recently.  Subject M is going through some personal turmoil and was looking for someone to hang out with, someone who could possibly be more than a friend.  Subject M met with someone with whom they had dealt with on a professional level, but never on a personal one.  M figured this might be someone I could build with, just maybe.  A date was arranged, and that was the only part that went remotely well.  We will call the date “Subject DB”.  Subject DB picks up Subject M with the intent of watching the movie Paranormal Activity 2.  Things are going great until DB’s phone begins to ring.  DB disregards the calls, but they become frequent and unrelenting.  M tells DB to answer the phone and take care of whatever business needs to be addressed in an attempt to move the night forward.  DB answers the phone, it is DB’s ex.  Things do no go well with the phone call.  Talking escalates to yelling, yelling to swearing, swearing to very loud swearing.  M is left flabbergasted by what has just happened and questioned DB over what was such the heated topic.  “Vinyls” was the response, $60.00 worth to be exact.  M starts to feel that this date might have been a bad idea, but continues forward, things cannot go much worse without felonies being committed.  So off to the movies the go, however they do so in silence.  M is still rather shocked by what happened and does not initiate any conversation, DB does not either because DB is a douchebag.

Like this....

....... but probably more like this

Silence is maintained until they reach the theater where the only sounds heard were the conversations of others, and the beeping of DB’s cellphone while DB played an Uno App.  As you can all see this date is going very well.

subtract one part penis, add one part fail

I personally received several texts from M requesting support of some kind, but sadly I was unable to do more than advise.  I did give M some advise on how to improve the situation, most if it consisted of getting the hell out of there and never calling again.  Being the trooper M is, the date continued.  As it was the movie was good, but just as they say it is always darkest just before sunrise, it was brightest before total darkness.  After the movie DB decided to take M on a Haunted Trail in an attempt to spark romance, I can only speculate at DB’s motivation so bear with me people.  En route to the Haunted Trail, DB decides that now it the time to disclose to M all the nasty sordid details of DB’s sex life.  These included but were not limited to : Bondage, Sadism, Anal and Vaginal penetration with firearms, swinger parties, random sex, and whatever else YOUR mind can imagine.  I remind you all that is is a FIRST date.  Needless to say that M is fairly turned off of the idea of spending another second with DB, and puts Escape Plan Alpha into effect.  That’s right, M yawns and says “I had a hard day at work, I’m tired and need to go home”.  After M is safely inside, I would imagine M bathed with this…..

for that fresh scent!

and this…

for that ground in, all over filthy icky feeling

It could have gone worse, M could have partied with people like this

Is this the cast of Jersey Shore?

As for the other updates, I am please to share that both my daughters kick ass in school.  Ayana started the year already meeting the end of the quarters academic goals and has only gotten better.  It was great to hear her teacher tell me how good she has been doing, to confirm what I was seeing myself.  We are so proud of her.  Rianna is also doing well, and we hope to collect more honor roll stickers from her hard work.

I normally don’t mention work too often in my blog as you never know who is watching, and the internet is littered with the lives and careers of those who did not tread wisely.  I have been made platoon sergeant for the first time since 2005.  You can imagine that I am throughly pleased with this regression of responsibilities as I have been a section chief, and SNCOIC of this very platoon in the absence of senior Marines.  It’s like going from being the manager of a McDonalds, to working the shake machine, and only the shake machine.

Fuck you and your fucking milkshake fuckwad!

On a lighter note, yesterday I learned that the base commander for Cherry Point received a DUI this week.  He blew a .14, and had an open beverage container in the vehicle with him.  This happened out in town, and did make local news.  Normally, I do not revel in the failures of other (utter bullshit, you all know I love that shit!)  I can only imagine how many Marines he busted down, how many lives he changed, how many careers he ended for offenses much less than his own.  I hope this dude feels the wrath and is made an example of for all to see.

DAMN THIS BURNING COLLAR OF MINE!!!!

If you have seen higher ups slide by on epic fails while the little guy burns at the stake.  If you HAVE seen people in power held accountable.  If you’ve even been on a horrible date.  If you have kick ass kids, or whatever.  Comments are always welcome here.

Close Only Counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Today we close another chapter in our football foray.  The girls both played the Raiders.  The Pee Wee Raiders game started off great.  The kids were playing clean, they were having fun and it was competitive.  Then it happened.  Some little turd with ADD just loses his shit and starts tackling people.  I mean, a kid was on the ground for three seconds and then here comes this little jackass jumping on him and damn near injuring him.  We need to get this kid ready for the penal system.

I wanted to do this to him, after I beat him, and his parents..... stupid parents

It would not have been a big deal if the refs (one was the Stallions coach who teaches his kids to play dirty, and the other was just along for the ride) would have thrown a flag and penalized the little bastard.  But no, they let it slide.  So now the other kids slowly turn up the dial on playing dirty and now we got kids getting clothes lined.  Some of our kids started throwing punches, and understandably so.  If the refs let this little turd hurt me like this, then I need to defend myself.  After the punches were thrown the refs called both teams in to talk to them.  It didn;t work, they others still did dirty shit, and no one said anything to them.  But on the flipside, Ayana got a fair share of carries today.  The does not waste time when she gets the ball.  Straight ahead, and damn you if you are in the way.  It was great to see her truck those dirty bastards.  They ended up losing the game 2-1, but it could have easily been the other way, it just depended on how well the refs wanted to do their jobs.

Time to get a move on little girl!!!!

Rianna’s team also lost their game, but it was well played from beginning to end.  I can’t complain too much about the refs, they did OK.  The kids came out with no fear.  They went to the whistle.  Both defenses were stingy with yards, neither giving up much to the other.  There was not one single punt for the whole game.  Awesome.  Our running backs showed some flashes Rianna included, however they all got too used to running east and west and would not cut upfield soon enough missing out on big plays.

Let's run this play yo!!!

The game went to double overtime before we finally lost.  Everyone was happy that they played that hard.  Rianna even made a key stop on a breakaway play to stop the touchdown.  She played the WHOLE GAME.

Rianna as a linebacker... WHAT!?!?

Shaun got to run around in the grass and play with other small children.  We also learned that she thinks grass is the best thing ever.

So THIS is grass huh? Pretty cool stuff!

So once again the girls provided plenty of entertainment today.  We are proud of how much effort they put into playing today.  We don;t have to force them, they WANT to be active.  We are lucky in that sense.  One more thing, I had a parent teacher conference with Rianna’s teacher.  Turns out that Rianna is currently reading at a 5th grade level.  I told her that if she tests out to 6th grade or above, I will get her something nice.  I don’t know what I want to get her though.  If you have an idea, or just want to leave a comment, hit me up with a comment.

Ayana’s Julius Peppers Impression, and The Drawing Seen Around the Class

Well, Monday was another game in the books for Ayana.  A stunning overtime (I know, really?) loss for her Pee Wee Flag Football team.  I saw some interesting things during the game.  It was refreshing not to see the level of dirty play that I saw in the game Saturday, but kids will be kids, and somethings did happen.  Ayana had a habit of grabbing kids, and hip tossing them to the ground, and then pursuing the ball.  I never taught her how to hip toss, so I figure it’s something she picked up from some other kids out there playing ball.  I saw many kids just get dragged to the turf, and I saw some kids get full on tackled.  As long as it’s not go over the top, I kept things frosty.  But Ayana played like a little girl possessed.  She was all over the field, making stop after stop.  She even got a couple of sacks on the QB.  We are so proud of her for how well she did on Monday, once she understand exactly what the hell football is, she will be awesome.  She has another game on Saturday along with Rianna, so I will keep you all updated.  After I found all the pieces of my head and got myself together, I spoke with both coaches about the B.S. that was Saturday’s Termite game.

 

Remember this guy? Yeah, me too.....

 

 

I hope we have found some common ground on the basis that the best kids should get the ball.  Let’s wait and see what happens with that one because apparently I wasn’t the only parent pissed that the coach kept calling his son’s number over others with more talent.  A couple other parents and even another coach spoke with the coach about Rianna not getting any runs.  Mostly moms, and I think it’s because Rianna represents girl power for these women.  The fact that she is a gamer and plays better that damn near all the boys on the team makes her something other than a novelty.  They want to see her do well for little girls everywhere.  Like I said, it’s a girl power thing.  To me, it’s just that Rianna is my kid, and therefore kicks ass.  Plain and simple.

Speaking of Rianna, I got a rather interesting note from her teacher today.  Apparently, Rianna and another little girl decided that it would be appropriate to draw grown lady parts on some artwork to turned in.

 

this is the half that Rianna drew. (not actual artwork but you get the picture)

 

I did my best to handle this one, but ultimately Eriko had to step in and take the reins as she was once, a little girl.  There was a lengthy conversation about how that is unacceptable in school here (apparently not so much a crime in Japan), and that she shouldn’t do it again.  In all reality, we have 3 very well-behaved kids.  We don’t have kids stealing things.  We don’t have kids setting things on fire.  We don’t have kids beating the snot out of other people’s kids (other than in football).  We don’t have kids that suck at school.  We have pretty good kids.  Not perfect, better than perfect.  They are tailor-made for entertainment, and they have helped my wife and I grow in ways unimaginable.

 

Better than perfect!

If you have better than perfect kids, can relate to the blog, or just want to leave a comment to be immortalized on my blog, feel free to leave a comment.

 

Are you F*cking Serious!? PG

 

Go Panthers!

 

 

Today both my daughters had football games.  Ayana had a game at 8:00 and Rianna had hers at 11:00.  It’s also Rianna’s birthday.  I had to wake up early because I had to go to RCP so I was not necessarily the happiest guy out of the bed, but its’ my big girl’s birthday so I put on a smile and try to make the best out of MY situation and not let it affect her on her day.  So I get on base and report in to do PT I’m really not able to do just because someone in the Bn thinks wasting people time all the time is a great idea, and I’m told I can go home.  So I get to the game, ready to see Ayana’s team whip it on and play some good football.  What I saw was the dirtiest football I ever seen on any level.  I saw kids on our team get elbowed in the face, I saw kids get kneed in the junk on our team, and I saw some little bastard tackle Ayana by her hair, but she didn’t have the ball.  He just grabbed her hair, and took her down.  No one correct anyone on any of these instances.  The ref was fucking blind, and the other teams coach was too busy sucking himself off to correct his kids, and make them play clean football.

 

This would have happened if they had helmets, and it would have gone uncalled....

 

 

I was disgusted after Ayana’s game, and I let a few folks know how classless the whole ordeal was.  But I digress, Rianna’s game was next, and I just knew the birthday girl was gonna do good things today.  I was wrong.  Wrong as hell.  The offensive coach was more concerned with is slow scared son getting the ball than anything.  I watched the little guy lose more yards than anything else.  I think he had one carry for positive yards.  Rianna was put out on the wing just to block for this kid.  Fucking really?  You take one of the smallest and fasted kids on your team and make her fucking block for one of the biggest and slowest (and scaredest) kids on the field?  Is that whats hot right now.  Is bullshit always on the menu?  Now we were getting our asses kicked, and when I brought up that Rianna might do better than the coaches son, I was told “well… in a game like this….”  What the fuck does that mean?  A game like what?  A game like when some slow ass non running back keeps getting the ball instead of the faster natural kids.  That kid of game?  Or is it because she’s a girl and your scared that she will get hurt?  Just let me know what’s really up with your shitty play calling, I’m all ears.

 

This guy is not a running back. I just have a feeling that he might make a better lineman. Just a hunch....

 

 

In the first game I heard a parent challenge the coach, the coach responded with the comment “do you want to coach?”  I hope to God I hear that come out of his mouth, because I know I would do a better job then they did, drunk, and half sleep I could coach better.  If you couldn’t tell by my creative wording, I’m rather upset about my day so far.

 

upset is an understatement......

 

 

It’s still early in the day, I hope it goes better, because it’s not about me today, it’s about Rianna.  She should have fun today.  I will do my best to make sure she does.   Have you guys ever been done dirty like that?  If so, feel free to leave a comment.  Feedback is always welcome.

The Game, The Trip, The Proposal, and The Wreck

Sorry it took so long to get this blog posted.  It’s been a whirlwind of activity for my family and I.  This blog will not be as extravagant as past blogs because I feel I have to compress a lot of time into a little space, and only one funny thing happened that would rate a picture.  With that out of the way, lets get down to da bidness.

Rianna had a game a week ago.  It was the make-up game that was cancelled due to the storm.  From the time I laid eyes upon the other team, I knew we had a chance to win.  The kids were not overly huge like the last team was, and we had tightened up some of out tackling and discipline within the team.  The kids felt more confident going in as well after surviving the butt kicking they took last time.  Playing kids their size as a welcome change.  Rianna was the kicker, tight end, and running back.  She did well at every position.  She ran hard and picked up some tough yards from the start to finish.  About 7-12 yards per carry is what I’d say she was putting down.  She also did well at tight end, making several key blocks and allowing other runners to cut up-field earlier and make better plays.  Of course I would have loved to see her as the primary back taking all the carries, but I am biased as she is MY daughter, and no matter what I’ll always think she is awesome (even though she is awesome).  I didn’t have to scrape her off the turf at all in this game, and once we though she was going to hit the corner at full speed and cut up field, but this one kid was always there to make the tackle, he was just fast enough to get there from the safety position but in the open field I think he would have been toast.  Overall I was proud of her and I look forward to watching her play again.  I tried to record this game, but they had the damn sticks in front of my camera constantly.  Damned annoying is what that is, but I’ll set up on the other side next time for a better shot.

We went to my mother’s house this weekend to celebrate Rianna’s birthday with family.  My uncle Ralph came down with his family, as well as my mother’s boyfriend Mack.  The house was packed, but we all had a really good time.  The directions Google Maps, and my Droid gave us took us on a rather scenic route.  We passed by some beautiful land, and that made the 5 1/2 hour trip go by a little faster.  While we were there celebrating Rianna’s birthday, something else happened that’s worth mentioning.  My mother’s boyfriend formally proposed to my mother in front of everyone.  It was great to finally see that happen, and with a crowd of loved ones no less.  She deserves to be happy with someone after all the work she has done for the family, and I hope they keep it going forever.

When I returned to work on Tuesday, things were pretty much as usual.  Well mostly everything.  I was leaving the parking lot at work when this devil dumbass is driving down a clearly marked path against traffic.  Needless to say, he was jacking traffic up all kinds of ways.  I think he drove over 2 opposite facing arrows on the way to the ass-chewing I had in store for him.

 

Big arrows like this one....

 

 

... and this one

 

 

Needless to say, I just had to have a word with LCpl Jackass in his brand new Dodge Avenger.  I told him in so many words that he was wrong, to back up, turn around, and go the right way.  He gave the proper response and began to back up.  This is where things get interesting.  He decides to back into a small space instead of a larger one.  And he does this right next to a parked GMC Sierra SUV from the early 80s/70s, yeah, an all steel gas guzzling tank of a truck.  So we have: 1. LCpl with no driving skills 2. backing new car into tight space 3. next to giant SUV that is nearly indestructible 4. without a ground guide.  What happened is exactly what you think happened.  He backed into the giant indestructible SUV from the days of yore and destroyed his rear light and quarter panel.  Now my eyes were elsewhere as this is happening, but the sound of his NEW car buckling under his poor driving skill brought my eyes to where the action was.  He pulled forward and noticed the huge damage discrepancy that he just caused, and at this point I pulled forward.  I ask him if the SUV was damaged, he said no, so I told him to go find who drives it and show him what happened.  At that point I pulled forward and left the lot, fighting laughter the whole way.

 

HAHAHAHAHA... dipshit....

If I hadn’t JUST written a blog about how shitty drivers are out here it probably would not have been as funny, but to me just proved a point: Licenses are WAY to easy to get in this state, and we should probably institute and IQ test to limit the size of vehicle we allow these jackasses to drive to minimize the damage when they invariably hit someone or something.  Well that’s all I got for this entry.  As I always say, feel free to leave a comment.  Leaving comments lets me know you care, and that my effort was at lest mildly enjoyable.  Thanx and tell a friend.