Category: Growing Up


Sounds like a good plan.....

Hello, my name is Dirt Diggler, and I’m a fat-ass.  That is what I told myself last week as I read the number on the scale at my medical screening.  I was about 15 pounds heavier than I had ever seen myself……. ever.  I was where I’d told myself I’d never be.  I was as close to fat-ass rock bottom as I’d ever been.  Immediately my blood pressure skyrocketed.  As you can imagine, finding out that I was tipping the scales at around 310 was rather upsetting.  I was filled with disgust for myself over my weight.  The next part of the exam was to check my blood pressure.  I’m normally pre-hypertensive at any weight, it’s my genetic legacy, well now since I was so upset I was well into the hypertensive range.  The nurse asked if I wanted a few minutes to calm down, and I did.  I tried to whoosaa myself calm for a few minutes but I was too far gone by that point.  My blood pressure had lowered just a little bit, but not nearly enough.  So marks the beginning of my current journey: to not be such a fat bastard.  I made the decision that day that I was going on a modified Atkins diet that I will call the Fatkins diet.

Done this one, time for one that is more…… ME
There…. That’s more like it.

The Atkins Diet is a very low carb, very hight protein and fat diet modeled after the Eskimos I guess.  It helps you lose weight fast, but your energy levels will plummet and become inconsistent.  Because your energy levels are neither here nor there, your tolerance for bullshit is much lower.  Because your tolerance levels have dropped, you are now more likely to use what little energy you have in acts of violence against the dumb-asses you will undoubtedly be surrounded by while at work.  Since you are now using your very limited energy in acts of violence, you now have even less available when you have to flee from the police, therefore increasing your chances of incarceration exponentially.  You eat mostly meat, absolutely no rice or bread, and very little if any vegetables.  So you can eat a steak topped with bacon, cheese, and ranch, but you can’t have a fucking apple.  One more big thing about the Atkins diet is this; carbs kinda shape your poop, holds it together.  Without the carbs there you will feel like you are pooping more often, and you are.  But your poops will be more like sawdust instead of the proud bowl crushing turds you were accustomed to dropping before.

So proud, so proud.....

You also have to take multivitamins while on the Atkins diet because you will not be eating veggies which have both vitamins, and carbs.  And tons of water.  You will drink water more than you ever had in your life, but water is cheap, hell it’s free in certain  places.

Tons of this. Remember this stuff?

Now time to describe the Fatkins diet.  Instead of eating fried meats at every meal, you have a low/no carb protein shake for breakfast along with your vitamins and some thermogenics along with a fiber supplement.  “What are thermogenics Mr. Diggler?”  Well let me tell you: fat burners.  Those little pills that increase your body temperature and can make life unbearable if used incorrectly.  You will also be having a shake for lunch, and meat for dinner.  Please take note of the lack of any real food.  You will also be doing 30 minutes to 1 hour of cardio daily.  Because you are taking thermogenics, and working your ass off in the gym you will need to consume enormous amounts of water.  More than you would if on the Atkins diet.  This combination if done correctly will take you straight into the “Unhealthy weight loss” realm.  It’s OK, this is not a long term solution to the size of your ass, but you can do this for a couple of weeks, take a few days off, and go back on for a couple more weeks until you reach your goal weight.  Once you get to your desired size, you now have to use methods such as portion control, exercise, calorie counting, and so on to maintain or improve your shape.

Don't do this..... ever!

You can’t just shotgun a pizza and chase it with a tub of ice cream and expect it NOT to latch onto your belly and or ass.  You have to take control of YOUR diet and YOUR eating habits to maintain any semblance of a good shape.  Oh, and remember that fiber you took in the morning, it not only helps in the weight loss process, but helps those turds become a bit more manageable.  I’ve lost about 20 pounds doing this diet, and it’s time for a short break during which I will gain some weight back.  But back on the diet I got first thing Monday, ready to do it for another round.

Yeah! Bring it bitches, just make sure it has no carbs OK......

And now on to the WTF that undoubtedly lead most readers to this blog.  Feel free to comment.  I respond to each one.

Woman, get my razor! I have to shave my eyeballs now!

Work hard, play harder I guess

Hip hop clothes and maybe fried chicken?

WOW

Ronald-San was kicking The Colonels ass until the Burger King got involved....

Thank you for reading, as I said before, feel free to leave a comment.

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Well ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I return to you once again with yet another blog.  No doubt I will use colorful language, images, and topics throughout this post.  Some of you might be amused.  Some of you might be offended.  Some of you will just take it all in stride.  Some of you will in fact, read the words I have labored to type, and still others will just look at the pictures.  Hey whatever floats your boat, I’m just happy to be here.  No on to the topics at hand.

like a doughnut please.... and this time with some fucking enthusiasm!!!!

As some of you might know I recently posted a blog about Valentine’s Day, and my views of it.  If you hadn’t, allow me to give you a quick refresher.  Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday with no real meaning.  It is yet another way for people to sell a bunch of shit to people who can’t afford them (men), in an attempt to impress someone else (women) in a misplaced gesture of affection.  Valentine’s Day would be completely pointless if you treated your significant others with the love and respect they deserve all year long.  However, in Japan Valentine’s Day is based around showering the MEN with gifts of flowers and chocolate.  The women have White Day which ironically is March 14, in which they are showered with gifts.  The role reversal is refreshing, but in this country/culture there is no role reversal possible because there is no day set aside for men.  Now this is not my idea.  I did n’t come up with this but I stand behind it completely.  Starting this year March 14 needs to be set aside as…… Steak and BJ day.  That’s right.  Steak and BJ day.  The ladies will cook a steak for their man, and hook him up with one of the most selfless acts a woman can perform.

Ladies, stop being so selfish.....

Some might say that I, and other who follow this line of thinking are misogynistic assholes who hate women.  Quite the contrary.  We are the same people who go out of their way to make sure SHE had a memorable Valentine’s day.  We are the flower giving, champaign pouring, meal cooking, foot rubbing guys who show our love and affection on every possible occasion.  All we ask is that you show US some love and appreciation by doing for us.  Nothing about oral sex is nasty in a monogamous relationship.  Nothing is nasty about sex.  We have a pretty ass backward view of sex to begin with, which is shocking considering it’s how we all ended up here.  While we will call out the men to bend over backwards into the range of ridiculous extravagance just to show they love someone else, all we ask in return is the simple act of a good meal, and a BJ.  Yes ladies, please dress sexy, and put some effort into it.  We would for you.  We do for you.  You don’t have to be in a traditional relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor Steak and BJ day.  Just know your roles and play accordingly.

and yes, doing this is a plus.....

Let’s make March 14th a day we all look forward to, and do it WAY BIG!  On to other business….

The Infamous Foot Button.  I alluded to how a button was sewn on to my foot as part of my most recent surgery.  I never explained what the button was actually there for.

not a button like this....

or this, even though I kinda FEEL that way about it...

not as cool as this....

and definitely not this stupid button....

The button was part of a muscle re-route to make sure things healed correctly.  The surgery itself was to remove a ‘fibrous coalition’.  In other words I was born with fibrous tissue bonding two bones in my foot/ankle together.  This limited the range of motion my foot had.  The limited range of motion let to MANY ankle sprains, and ultimately tons of scar tissue, and arthritis in my foot.  After they removed the naughty fibrous tissue they needed something to fill the gap to make sure it didn’t grow back… enter the Infamous Foot Button.  The took some muscle and stretched it into the gap.  In order to hold it there long enough to heal over, they weaved sutures into in, and anchored them to the button on the bottom of my foot.  “But Dirty… how did they get the stitches to the button?” you may ask.  Big ass needles through my foot is the answer.  They literally stabbed two really big needles through my foot to run the stitches to the button.  Crazy shit, I know.  Don’t believe me, here is a pic….

The horror!!!!

I thought that damn button fell off and I had to rush to the doctor’s office to have my cast removed (HELL YEAH!!), only to find that the button was very much still in place.  I begged the doctor to leave the cast off, I felt so liberated, I was looking forward to… I don’t know….. wash my fucking filthy ass foot.  Either way I was denied by the medical professional in charge and on went a new cast.  I will go through this exact evolution again on Wednesday when I see the actual surgeon that worked on me, and I still go back into a cast for two more weeks.  The price of good health I guess……

Maybe it’s just me.  Probably it’s just me.  Am I the only one who runs into immense amounts of censorship on social networking sites?  I’ve had a whole account on MySpace cancelled, and I’ve just recently had a valid cause shut down without even a note from the site.  The MySpace thing went down years ago… you know, like before MySpace was a haven for child molesters and children in a rush to be molested (I can’t understand why a young girl would fake her age to be with a 30+ year old man, that’s the connection I make in my mind.  Don’t get offended, or do, I don’t care either way.) but it sucked to lose an account.  It’s like having your identity taken from you by some faceless asshole.

different process and your will NEVER forget the faces of those assholes!

The FaceBook incident was just today.  The cause was to spread the word on Steak and BJ Day.  A worthy cause if there ever was one.  I don’t put it up there with cancer research but it’s better than some of the other bullshit causes they allow.  I had just created the cause.  It was picking up momentum.  I was on my way to my goal to making this a reality, and it was all taken away, just like that.  Needless to say I’m a little pissed, but was it all me?  Did I simply choose the wrong forum for this cause?  We will see.  Here is the link to the new FB page dedicated to it.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/People-For-the-Celebration-of-March-14-Steak-and-BJ-Day/201560426521345?v=wall&sk=wall

Either way, these site have led to a generation of socially retarded people who seem to think their opinion matters (and yes I see the irony of that statement), especially Twitter.  So if you see the following icons, take heed and move with trepidation, because they all kinda suck….

easy to plug into, impossible to unplug from..

if you STILL use this site, you are going to hell for touching children... you nasty bastard!

The root word is twit. Few statements containing only 140 characters can be important..... just sayin...

And now time for the customary visual assault of WTF I’ve come accustomed to putting at the end of my blog.  Enjoy and be sure to leave a comment!

Actual statue in Korea...

for the avid fisherman I guess....

Japan, the undisputed champion of WTF

just in case you were about to argue my last caption...

you can't unsee any of this!

and yes, this blog is the shiznit

Before we even start I have to reaffirm something:  Fuck skinny jeans.  Please watch the following video and tell the young men that now even the young women are turning on them.

This blog marks the beginning of a new series for me.  I will be telling the stories of some of the people in my life as I saw/see them.  All of them will be unauthorized, and abridged, and will have significant gaps where either my memory fails me, of I was never told.  There may even be a few “misremembered” facts.  I might just embellish, with hold, or down right lie.  I won’t be on purpose….. I promise.  Today we start with one of my peers who had a profound positive influence on my life.  A good friend of mine James Martinez.

Hey recruit!!

I met James Martinez when I checked into the barracks at 1st Marine Division, Comm Company, in 33 Area Camp Pendleton, California.  At the time I was a radio operator fresh from a tour in Okinawa, Japan.  I was none too excited to be rooming with a ‘wire pig’ as I was taught to call them because they were a lower life form for us (so I was told).  Enter at the time Corporal Martinez, reeking of Jack in the Crack grease and hard work.  I have just met my new roommate and the adventure begins.  Things were cool from the get go though.  We talked and found out that we have more in common than most people.  I must admit that at this point in my life, I was rather immature and I didn’t know a lot about being self-reliant and responsible.  James taught me how to balance my work load.  James taught me how to keep my room clean.  James taught me how to work on my car, a skill that would come in handy many times because most of the vehicles I would own in this early time in my life would in fact be pieces of shit.  James taught me how to install my own car stereo, and make the shit go BOOM!  Needless to say, I learned a lot from James, and I owe him a lot.  I knew he was madly in love with his girl back home.  I think her name was Alli, but I might be wrong.  Alli was having pain in her knee all the time and was being bounced from doctor to doctor all the while being told that nothing was wrong with her.  I just figured her knee was like mine, shit hurt just because.  James went home on leave to spend some time with his family, and his lady.  When he returned his head was bald and he was married.  I had no idea why he had just done that.  I knew that marriage was still a ways off for them, but he then told me about how Alli was diagnosed with cancer.  The pain in her knee was a tumor, and since it had been ignored by doctors, and she had been disregarded, it had gone other places.  Now I don’t know if the cancer originated in her knee, or if that’s just where they found it, but either way James was now 100% dedicated to this woman, and would stick by her until the end, whenever that was.  I admired that about him.  I admired his commitment to his convictions.  James was and still is a stand up guy, good to have in your corner.  Around this time he was promoted to Sergeant, which is the finest rank the Marine Corps has ever housed.  He worked his magic to be home with his girl on Humanitarian Orders and was able to get his wife into one of the finest cancer centers in the country.  At this point he was gone.  He was no longer my roommate.  I lost contact with him while he tended to his wife, and I started my own family.  I always wondered where he was, how he was doing, how he looked now.  The guy that I shared a barracks room with.  The guy that I shared a squad bay with.  They guy who knew the true identity of Black Naked Ass Man.  The guy I would drink may beers with.  The guy I had shared many a road trip to L.A. with, was now officially off the grid.  I owe my life as it is now to him.  He told me about my current job, Technical Control as he was on his way to becoming one before his wife got sick.  I would have never known it even existed if not for him.  Late last year after nearly a decade I received a friend request on Facebook from a James Martinez.  Time stopped for a short time for me.  Holy shit, my dude is alive!  Once we reconnected, phone calls were made and we caught up, but like a true friend it was if no time had ever really passed.  He did drop off the map after the death of his wife Alli.  It was devastating for him to see his most loved one die, as it would be for any of us.  He lost direction for a short time, and his desire to be with people.  He has since healed from the loss of his wife, and remarried.  He now has a beautiful family whom I hope to meet soon.

 

The babies and...

the wife!

 

James now lives in his native New Mexico working his ass off to provide for the people shown above.  As far as I know he is happy with his life, and family.  Good stuff!  I’m sure there are inaccuracies in this story, but I did my best to capture who I saw James as.  He is a great guy who I will be having a beer with once again soon enough.

On to other business…..

I recently took test over the phone for a position with ITT as a satellite technician.  Let me make this clear to all who stumble upon this post, I may work with satellite techs, I may work with satellite operators, but I am not nor have I ever been a satellite anything.  I failed that test life it was a fucking XBox achievement.

 

 

as shown on my mental HUD during the test

 

 

 

I took this test in the hopes that it would lead to something other than failure.  I knew I wasn’t a sat tech, but just maybe I could work thing and find a job anyway doing SOMETHING.  I asked how I did on the test, and I was told in so many words that I sucked balls.  Noted fuckers, this is not what I’ve been doing for the last 9 years.  I then asked if they needed any Technical Control guys, and they got all excited and said that they were in dire need of Tech Controllers.  WTF?!  My resume says Technical Control Chief, not Satellite Maintenance Specialist.  Either way, this led to being asked about one of the pieces of gear I DO operate quite frequently.  The Promina.  They asked if I knew how to operate a Promina.  I said yes.  They asked which Prominas I’ve worked with.  I told the Promina 400 and 800.  They got super excited.  I now have another phone interview/test next week.  Good things can come from shitty situations if you refuse to lose.

Next week I start my separations classes, do my pre-surgery work up, and take another phone test.  Quite the busy week.  The following week I have to drive my daughter 2 hours to a plastic surgeon so we can finally close the book on her dog bite and move forward.  They next day, I go under the knife and repair one more defect in my body.  Damned this shitty warranty.  Things are coming together quite nicely.  I think we will be set for success by the time the govt stops paying me as an active Marine, and starts as a guy who’s body got the shit kicked out of in over a 13 year military career.  Oh, I plan to have a job by the time that happens as well.

Time for the reward for reading this far down…..

 

she will somehow blame someone else for this, but when she tries using her lasso as a belt, she will fess up.

Feel free to leave a comment.  Have a great day.

 

This blog will be exactly what the title indicates; random rants, and rumblings.  Pretty much any topic I wish to write on, I will write on, in whatever manner I see fit.  Sit back, grab a tasty adult beverage and enjoy the moment.

1:  Apparently putting a picture of a horrible looking female body builder in the nude, and Ke$ha will put your blog hits into the veritable stratosphere.  I had a max of 60 hits in one day prior to my last post.  It was the one about me being an asshole and how that was OK.  I consider that one to be one of my best blogs to date.  But when you crest the 100 hit mark twice, hover at 90, and chill at 60 everyday since you have either written a magnificent piece of work, or The Google is directing them to you because of certain buzzwords.  My blog tools allows me to see how people end up on my page, and I can tell you that it is the latter.  I have mixed feeling about this.  I like the fact that I THINK I’m getting some exposure, but it’s not the way I would like to have it.  For those of us who have not sold their souls to the devil, we would like to known for the content of the work, not the packaging, but it is what it is and I will continue to do my thing.  I did however consider re-posting the two pictures in question, but decided against it because it was a stupid idea.

Sooooooo, anyone got any souls to sell? No one huh? Back to slapstick I go.......

2:  Skinny jeans need to go away ASAP!  I don’t know who brought those horrible pants to the mainstream, I don’t know who the hell thinks they are “gangsta”, and to be honest I don’t fucking care.  In my life, these are the people who normally wore what are now called skinny jeans; Cowboys: they called them wranglers because ranch work, and horse riding required semi form fitting clothing that would not get snagged on things, because getting snagged on things could mean death.  Rock Stars:  This is a carry over from the U.K.  These people wore make up, had big hair, had random sexual encounters a plenty (and I cannot emphasize RANDOM enough), took drugs that I still don’t know exist, and died at a fairly young age of either OD or disease.  Women:  Women wore them because they want to feel sexy, and have people sneak peeks at their asses.  Don’t dare stare though, that would be rude and offensive to fully recognize their efforts at ass glorification.  Then something happened.  The whole Emo thing started and overprivileged teenage douche-bags started wearing their sister’s pants with white belts for reasons that escape me.  They went mainstream but even then most people knew skinny jeans were for the aforementioned groups and wore normal clothing as Emo Kids were all pretty much gay, and therefore not to be taken seriously.  “It’s just a phase” parents would tell themselves.  But somehow skinny jeans not only invaded the rest of mainstream American society, but Hip Hop as well.  So now we have “Thugs” sagging their jeans talking about how “gangsta” their 33 slims are.  What the fuck just happened?  Did I miss a nationwide bulletin encouraging this type of dress?  Are codpieces going to make a comeback too?  I don’t know, but I hope not.  People, do your own damn thing, dress how you want to, but dress like damned man.  Stop wearing your sister’s pants you little retards.  It’s bad when Miller Light slams you and you have no legitimate response. 3:  This damn computer that I’m typing on right now has wasted so much of my time, that I want to take it and set in on fire.  I worked on this machine for over 4 day straight.  4 days!  That’s longer than most people are married these days.  I learned quite a bit from it though so I can’t complain too much, but I will try, oh boy I will try.  Bad hard drives, bad DVD RW, bad bootleg copy of windows.  Talk about a ghost in the machine!  I had to swim through all that bullshit to get to where I am now with my computer.  Fortunately, the last decade of  my life has been focused on this exact type of scenario.  Is it bad software, bad hardware, or both?  That’s what I do for a living.  I do it with much different systems, but the method does not change.  You have to ask yourself “does that shit even make sense?” when you see an issue.  Then you have to ask yourself “Am I about to seriously fuck this up?” before you take action.  It’s a delicate balance of skill knowledge, and luck, but hey life is a gamble, roll the damned dice!

this is after the binary code somehow slipped a 2 into the mix. Cheeky bastard!

4:  No days like snow days.  I have been home with my thumb in my ass for the last 2 days because Jacksonville cannot handle snow.  At all.  Ever.  You may have read my blog on what happens out here when it rains and see the authorities acting out of safety by shutting the base down.  I say let them drive so we can kill off the dumb ones.  If you don’t have the sense to NOT drive like asshole in bad weather then you, AND whoever was dumb enough to get into the car with you need to die.  I know, strong words right?  Try diving out here on a normal workday, you will soon share these feelings.  But on the good side of things, I’ve been able to take an extra 4 days of leave.  Spend some time with the family, and be annoyed by my two oldest daughters in way I never imagined.  Good times.

See how it's the ONLY car involved? I'm willing to bet they were driving like assholes.

5:  My wife had her birthday recently.  I’m not going to even attempt to take away from another glorious year in my wife’s life.  But it is right after Christmas.  It is so hard to put on an encore gift giving performance after a concert like Christmas, but I pull it off every year.  At least I think I do.  I’m am fortunate that our anniversary is in April, because if it were January, or February I’d have to sell organs to afford it.  This year I mad a Big Red cake.  If you have never heard of a Big Red cake, it’s basically a cake with Jello in it.  It’s not that hard to make but timing is key.  I topped said cake with home made strawberry whipped cream frosting.  Eriko was happy, the girls were happy, so I was happy.  I would not trade those times for the world.

Happy Birthday Eriko!! We will have many more together.

6:  The end is near for my military career.  I have one more surgery, some separations classes, and most importantly future employment that must be arranged.  I have a good feeling about 2011 so I’m not to worried about it, but just in case…… if you know someone who’s hiring, shoot me a line.  You can never have too many opportunities to succeed.

not as dramatic, but why not?!

7:  There are several no talent idiots that continue to absorb way too much of the media’s time, and therefore as media subscribers, too much of our time.  1. Sarah Palin is an idiot.  She is an ignorant close minded individual who has no place in the Federal Government as she has no clue how it actually works.  She is however NOT the Devil as some would have you believe.  She is a wife, and a mother just like the ones we know, and she hadn’t spent much time away from home to learn of the world, which is painfully obvious whenever she speaks.  That sounds familiar, sorta like most of the folks in Jacksonville.  I recently saw a column linking her to a tragic shooting in AZ because she tweeted “don’t retreat, reload”  I remember this tweet and the context it was used in, and the linking was completely unjustified.  So, media folks, if you don’t like her simply stop reporting on her.  I’m tired of hearing about her.  She is a normal white American, just like the jackasses in Jacksonville, nothing more.  2. Paris Hilton should have never been famous, I hope she contracts AIDS, and dies a very publicized, and spectacular death.  3.  Perez Hilton is a fucking faggot!  Now by no means do I hate gay people.  You are free to do with your life as you choose.  However please do us all a favor and don’t try to force your lifestyle on others.  Just because someone’s opinion doesn’t match yours does not mean that you should go out of your way to ruin them.  I didn’t forget what happened when Miss California answered a loaded question about gay marriage, and you flew off the handle and pretty much stripped her of her crown.  Not cool.  That takes you beyond simply being gay, but to being a faggot, which in my mind as a hateful gay person.  It works both ways Mr. Hilton, if you want people to respect you and your lifestyle you need to respect theirs, deal with it.  4. Lindsey Lohan is hideous and I cannot understand the publics infatuation with her.  She is the same as any other girl her age that was raised without ever being held accountable.  She has issues, and I’m cool with that.  Please media folks, let them stay HER issues.  I don’t fucking care if she got wasted in rehab.  I commend her on her resourcefulness.

I dare you to get on her level!

5. Any other celebrity not actively HELPING people with their money and power.  Did I mention George Cloony on my list?  No.  Do you know why?  Because if it weren’t for him America would not even know the genocide in Darfur was happening.  Did I mention Oprah?  No, as much as gets on my nerves, she is helping girls in Africa get an education that otherwise would never see the outside of a school let alone the inside of one.  Bill Gates, Dennis Leary, and several other all do some pretty impressive charity work with their earnings.  I applaud those people and I support them, I suggest you do the same.  I didn’t even mention all the athletes doing good work because all I ever hear about is the next two people I want to see vanish off the planet.  6. Terrell Owens, and Chad Ochocinco have absorbed more media coverage than they deserve.  They were overpaid underachievers on a horrible football team that sucked all year long, but no matter how bad the team sucked, there they are.  “how will they react to that last pick?”, “I wonder how they feel about this losing streak”, “should I still have my popcorn at the ready?”.  I have your answers: pissed, really pissed, and put the popcorn away.

Hey T.O. I bet I can drop more passes than you! I bet you can't Chad. Let's have a contest to find out.....

That’s all I have today ladies and gentlemen of the internet.  I hope you enjoyed the blog.  Here is your reward for reading to the end.  Have a great day.

After skinny jeans, this will be the hottest shit on the streets

Feel free to leave a comment.

2010 has officially come to an end.  It was a challenging year  to say the least.  I spent my first full calender year stateside in a long time, and I spent a good portion of it jacked up with injuries.  I watched the end of my career come and go, and get extended into 2011.  I witnessed the 9th birthday of my oldest daughter, the 6th of my second, and the 1st for my youngest.  I got my first year of home ownership out of the way as well.  Only 29 more years left.  My wife and I hit 10 years married in 2010.  In that 10 years that my wife and I have shared, not all of it was good, but all of it helped us both to grow into who we are now, and will continue to help us become who we are supposed to become.  I met some new people in 2010, and reacquainted myself with people I’d already met years before.  Some good, some bad, all worth knowing because they helped me to learn something.  We will just call 2010 the year of personal growth.

unless you are Ke$ha in which case 2010 was they year you were a huge no talent douche bag

Time to cover the holidays that have passed since my last blog, namely Christmas, and New Years.

Christmas was not a bad time at all.  We drove 5 1/2 hours from Jacksonville to Mount Holly NC to my mother’s house to celebrate.  The girls were all super excited to see grandma and get their gifts from her.  The wife and I were excited to be out of Jacksonville for at least a little while and spending time with family.  My mother was excited to be hosting us, and of course for another chance to spoil my children rotten as grandmothers are prone to do.

the bear was just the tip of the iceberg.......

We were all pretty excited to see snow falling Christmas day for our very first “White Christmas”.  In February we had snow, and in Okinawa we had a whopping 0 inches of snow over the course of 6 years.  The last time it snowed in Okinawa was in the 70’s.  So snow on Christmas day was a big deal to us.  The snow however was NOT cool when my dog had to go outside to do his bidness.  And speaking of that little asshole, my dog is the only animal in my house, other than my kids at times.

this could be any one of my daughters at any given time at any given day

Well my mother has 2 animals, one dog and one cat.  My dog had run ins with both animals but the run ins were of a completely different nature.  My mom’s dog Coco is a Boston Terrier Pit Bull mix.  She is small, and mostly sweet, but she has been known to be dog aggressive.  I don’t blame this on the breed so much as I do on her upbringing.  Coco is a rescue, and was abused as a pup and forced to fight full blood pit bulls for her food.  She has learned that ambush technique benefits her because of her small size.  This technique was brought to bear on my dog over a piece of rawhide chew toy.  This little dog latched onto my dog’s ear and he immediately began to cry out in pain.  My dog is not animal aggressive, nor is he human aggressive.  Nothing that I have seen.  He has never been attacked by any other animal, and he has never attacked another animal.  This was unchartered land for my pup.  Luckily my mother got there and pulled her dog off before I got there.  I would have been a bit violent upon my arrival.  That little dog might have stopped fighting other dogs forever at my hands, but that’s not how it went down.  My mom pulled her dog off, and put her in her room away from my dog for a while.  My dog only had minor scratches on the base of his ear, but that day he took his first L.  I can only hope he learned something from it.

this is Coco....

this is my dog, Shisaa....

Now onto the cat story.  My mother’s cat is named Lucky, and like most cats Lucky has a special place that he does his bidness.  That place is the litter box.  To most people the litter box is not a place you want to spend a lot of time.  Just clean the damned thing out and move on to other less disgusting things.

Unless you are these people. What the hell is going on over there!?

Well to good ol Shisaa the litter box looked a little bit different.  Allow my to illustrate how we see it:

normal people vision...

and how my dog sees it:

Shisaa vision

I could not keep that damned dog out of the cat box.  We all busted him snaking on cat poop.  I muzzled him, kicked his ass, yelled at him, and tried distracting him, none of it worked.  Since we don’t have a cat, we don’t have a cat box.  Since we don’t have a cat box, we can’t really train him on how to NOT eat cat shit.  The only time he comes in contact with a cat box is at my mom’s house.  Stupid dog!

"I told that dog to eat shit and die... well he's half way there..."

Time to cover New Years…. YAY!!

My lovely wife cooked Soki Soba.  Soki Soba is the Okinawan way of doing it.  The noodles are different from mainland Japan, and I think there is more meat in it.  We were all happy to be able to sit down and enjoy a piece of Okinawa from so far away.  It helped me remember all the good time we had there, and all the interesting people we met there.  It helped me to remember my wife’s family, they are some pretty cool people and I do miss them very much.  We followed that with Gyoza, rice, and I had a Kirin Ichiban beer at the ready.  Great meal to have with the family.

SO. DAMNED. GOOD.

We then watched the New Years specials on like 3 different station to include NHK the Japanese station.  The girls tried to stay up, but the closest one to making it to midnight was Shaun, my youngest one.

"I told you I could hang with the big girls!"

After the clock struck 0000 and 2010 was officially over, they wife and I did share in the customary kiss and call it a night.  The girls will still wake up at the normal time which is at least 2 hours before either me of the wife want to be up so we had to prepare.  I know, we suck, but we have outlasted 80% of our friend’s marriages so we must be doing something right.

I now leave you with some words from the Book of Dirty:

Book of Dirty 7:19-7:23

Dirty made his New Years resolutions for the new year when the sky cracked with His God’s voice.  His God asked him why he chose this day to make positive changes to his life.  Dirt Diggler told His God that it was customary to do this on this day.  His God responded with “The day that you see change is needed is the best day to make changes.”

This is a picture I’ve been on the fence about putting on the blog, but here is goes.  If you feel this pic is inappropriate, just shoot me a message and I will take it of…. maybe.

someone... somewhere... thinks this 'chick' is hot as hell. Are you that someone?

Well people, the final countdown has began.  I have a surgery to fix my ankle scheduled for 14 January 2011.  I’m excited, as well as apprehensive.  A lot can go wrong when you are on the table and someone is cutting you open to rearrange your parts, but a lot can go right as well.  I was apparently born with a defect in my ankle that only 1% of the population has.  There is connective tissue binding two bones in my foot/ankle that greatly restrict movement causing all sorts of issues.  The x-rays of my foot/ankle show a haze around the bones.  When asked what causes the haze, it’s basically scar tissue, and bone chips, yes bone chips.  I also have traumatic arthritis in my big toe as a result of limited movement.  It’s called Calcaneal Navicular Fibrus Coalition, and here is a picture.

If I could count the times I've wrecked my ankle.....

On to other things, it’s the holiday season.  Time to bust out the plastic and charge yourself into credit oblivion in an attempt to prove to your family that you do in fact love them.  Never mind that you feed and clothe them the whole year.  Never mind that you pay for housing, utilities, and all sorts of other shit.  Never mind that you had to give them a birthday gift at some other point in the year.  NOW is the time to show them how much you love them.  And you show them by buying all sorts of bullshit that they don’t need, and will only use for a month, tops.  How about we just hand out and enjoy the company of family?  How about we show someone how much we love them by giving them the gift of wisdom?  Hand down some wisdom the way our grandparents did.  Tell stories, give advice, if you don’t have any wisdom to hand down, give them books, anything that will give their minds a chance to imagine.  Enlighten people, gift them some culture, manners, functionality, not just the shiny new shit.

If there was a cool enough commercial for this, your kids would want it. Would you buy it for them?

I guess this enlightens... I guess

And a classic favorite…. Dora!!

Fail, just plain ol' fail.....

There is no time like Beer:30.  Beer:30 is my favorite time of the day, right after Boobs o’clock and Vag:15.  As a result of my love for beer, I became a small time brewer.  I only brew 6 gallons at a time, but the beer is normally anywhere from 6% to 8.5% so it’s really drinking with efficiency.

My beer has done this to at least one person that I know of.....

... and this as well.

One time in Okinawa, the airlocks on one of my brewing kegs got clogged and the damned thing blew up.  With my wife in the room.  While I was at work.  We almost had the same thing happen early this morning.  The airlocks were all clogged on all my kegs.  My wife could here the seeping of air under pressure and woke me up.  I took action, and I was sprayed with beer along with my wall but we got it all under control.

The brewery AFTER we got things under control. Close call........

I really look forward to bottling, and then drinking the hell out of the beer pictured above.  Check the names of the brews,  Good stuff.

Rianna has started to do better at school, and that makes us all happy.  Ayana’s grades have always been good as she is only in the 1st grade, and honestly, it’s kinda hard to fuck 1st grade up, but she’s doing very well either way.  Her grandmother got her a giant teddy bear for Christmas.  I mean A GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!

I think it has a Social Security card, and works at the local Food Lion when not being snuggled by my daughters.

Tomorrow my family will pile into my wife’s 2007 Mazda 5 along with the dog and drive 6 1/2 hours to the Charlotte are to visit my mom for Christmas.  My 6 year old absolutely adores her grandmother and is so excited to hand out with her.  My oldest is excited that she gets to play with her cousins.  My wife and I are excited to visit, and that the kids are excited.  The dog pretty much has shown indifference to the whole thing, and the baby is pretty much just hanging out with us, and is down to travel for hugs.

I now leave you with a passage from the Book of Dirty and some words of wisdom

Book Of Dirty 5:30 – 5:35

And then Dirt Diggler asked of his God “do you want us, Your creations to be happy?”  His God responded “yes, I do” and then blessed them with a case of the finest beer man would ever know.  He said onto Dirt Diggler ” I have given you beer, and the knowledge to make more beer.  You now have irrevocable proof that I love you, and want you to be happy.”  Dirt Diggler saw the beer, heard his God’s word and did in fact know that he was loved, and to be happy.

 

Be careful out there and try not to over indulge.  Too many other people will make complete drunken assholes of themselves in the next couple of weeks, don’t be the next one, unless that’s your role in the family.

Know your role... I guess.

Ladies be especially careful.  No one wants to be a victim.  And there are other reasons as well.  Allow me to illustrate.

Just push the "I believe button"....

Well enjoy the holidays and feel free to leave a comment.  You can condemn me, praise me, or otherwise but leave a comment so I know you’re not ignoring me.  Thank you.  Happy Holidays!!

This will happen to someone this year. Is it you?

Today, as I write this blog I should be free.  12 December 2010 marked the end of my obligated service to the United States Marine Corps.  It was a day I looked forward to for years.  A day I would no longer worry about what time formation was.  A day where PT had whatever meaning I wanted it to have.  Where if some 20 year old gets a DUI, I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  A day where the only thing that mattered was my ability to do my job, and take care of my family.  That day was today.  But it IS NOT today.  My EAS was pushed back to mid April so I may get my foot and ankle worked on, and to give my shoulder time to heal.  A sacrifice that recently I had been questioning as a wise one.  It doesn’t matter if you really look at it though, I was not ready to separate now.  I still had things to do, it is what it is.  I will miss certain aspects of Marine life.  You can’t do something with your entire adult life and not become attached to the routine.

See you guys on the other side. It was fun..... sometimes.

There are some things I won’t miss though……

Look! It's common sense!!! KILL IT!!!!!

another OPS meeting. We NEVER EVER learned....

And my favorite, mass punishment

Fuck it, frag em all. That'll teach em!

Now that my Marine career is technically in its twilight…

..not these douche bags though....

.. I am finding time to get back into some of the things that made me happy.  Things like making beer, doing music, and most of all, relaxing.  I really enjoy relaxing.  Relaxing by myself, relaxing with the wife, relaxing with the whole family, just relaxing in general.  Unfortunately my life has a fair amount of drama, and without some sort of decompression time, I will flip out and bad things will happen.  Part of being a father and husband is understanding that your actions affect your whole family, and not just you.  Growing up and maturing teaches you that.  I think this week as horrible as it was good for me, I did a lot of growing.  Good prep for the real world.

What the hell is the deal with all the cracked windshields, and stripper angel/devil vinyls in Jacksonville?  Every third car has a cracked windshield, every fourth has those dumbass angel/devil stripper vinyls.

Seriously???!!!

Why!?!? Fucking WHY!?!?

I could see the first person getting the vinyls and it being kinda cool.  Especially if this person was either a stripper, owned a strip club, or had relations with strippers.  The next 2000 jackasses to get it however, simply made it uber-lame.  I even went so far as to ask the vendors why people buy these stupid vinyls.  They honestly could not explain it themselves.  What does that say about the population of Jacksonville?  Nothing good, nothing good at all.  Calvin pissing on this was bad enough, but that combined with this and numerous other redneck oriented, southern gangsta vinyls.

This shit makes no damn sense.....

New York is no exception, you people have surprisingly been following the stupid vinyl trend as well, especially my Latin brethren.

Nobody fucking cares!!!!

I can understand that you are proud of yourself, where you are from, your car club blah blah blah, but have some fucking taste and originality.  There is no reason to cut the value of your car in half by making it into a billboard for a product you don’t even have stock in.  Just sayin….  Oh and one more thing.. J-Lo is a no talent hack.

the only place a fat ass makes you talented is the strip club... get there.....

I now leave you with a couple of passages from the Book of Dirty.  Feel free to read them, think about them, discuss them, or ignore them.  Whatever makes you happy.

Book of Dirty 1:22 – 1:20
And in His darkest hour Dirt Diggler was alone. He was fearful for His family, and His own well being. He looked towards the Heavens for some reasoning. And he cried out to His God “WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME HERE SURROUNDED BY THESE SERPENTS!?”. His God answered by shining a beam of light upon Dirt Diggler and revealing to him a great truth.  His God revealed onto Dirt Diggler that the serpent existed in His life only to provide an evil to contrast the good in His life. Dirt Diggler did not understand. He asked “Why must the serpent be so evil when it does not benifit the serpent?” His God responded “It is the nature of the serpent to be evil, that is how I created it.”

Book of Dirty 3:7 – 3:12
Dirt Diggler looked upon his children, and he was happy.  His daughters were healthy, and happy, but ultimately unfinished.  If they were to replace Dirt Diggler and his wife, they would have to grow as Dirt Digger did.  They would have to know pain, failure, and betrayal.  So Dirt Diggler did not shield the world from them.  He let them learn pain, failure, and betrayal, but he stood with them and let them borrow His strength to persevere and truly grow from their experiences.

Thank you for reading this far.  I feel the need to reward you for your dedication.

Love is a beautiful thing. Really it is. Enjoy life!

As usual, feel free to leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, feedback of any kind is always welcome.

P.S. We recently crested the 600 hits mark.  YAY!!

Most religions have some type of holy book, or scripture, or the written ramblings of a prophet or something they base their religion on.  These texts provide the framework for all aspects of the worshipers life from the morning routine to finances.  The Holy Bible, Torah, and Qua ran are all different texts followed by different people, but all share some very basic principles.  “Don’t steal shit”, “Don’t kill people (unless it’s for your God)”, “treat other with love compassion and respect”, “don’t lie”, “get married before sex (I know…..)”, “take care of your family”, “be a good wife/husband”, don’t have relations with other peoples’ wives/husbands” and so on.  I will be publishing my own writings that I think are pretty good.  Now by no means do I think I’m this jack-ass:

I'm not Jesus, and neither is he.....

But I think most of the writings cover basic common sense.  Today I published my first verse from the Book of Dirty.  Dirty 1:13 is as follows;

The greatest sin one person can commit towards another is betrayal. Murder ends ones suffering, but betrayal leaves lasting pain, and further corrodes future relationships.

These will be published every blog post, and in no logical order.  Please do not attempt to assemble the book in order, it will not make sense.  Just roll with the lessons, not the order in which they are presented.

Today I reinforced another valuable life lesson: People are shady ass hell, and they suck.

I was helpless as my hands were full with my own life....

So without going into detail, I got thrown under the bus.  Once again.  When will I learn to not give a fuck?

I just healed from the last bus tossing! DAMNITT!!!

In other news, I was able to somewhat accelerate my departure from this hellhole.  I spoke with my shoulder surgeon and got the thumbs up to get my foot and ankle worked on next month.  This saves me about 4 months of healing time, and less healing time means less time I have to be HERE.  As I approach my original EAS certain things take on a whole new painful flavor.  Duty sucks that much more.  RSO duty is that much more a waste of time.  Suicide watch makes that much less sense.  Freedom was so close, and I pushed it away to get my health in order.  I know it was the right thing to do, but right this second, I regret it.  I regret the hell out of it.

Such a familiar look for me these days.....

I was told today by the Chaplin today (yes things are THAT bad) to persevere.  That sounds good except I don’t feel that all the drama is necessary.  My desire to persevere something unnecessary is pretty low, as I need it for things that ARE necessary.  Just because I can take a bullet to the thigh does not mean I want to shot in my damned thigh.  I may lack the required wisdom to tell if I can control this situation, but I will sure as hell try my best to make it better.  I have to shake off the haters, and keep it pushin.

Maybe they'll run out of shit to stab me with, or just get tired of it... I hope.

With that said, I leave you with more passages from the Book of Dirty;

Dirty 1:7 – Dirty 1:12

And then Dirt Diggler shook off all the haters.  With all his rage He looked up into the sky and let forth a primal scream that shook windows and frightened both man and beast.  He then looked the haters in the eye and said onto them. “fuck you haters.  I’m out”  And then He left, deuces held high.

If you have any comments, feel free to leave em here.  I answer all my comments, unless you don’t want me to.

It’s been quite some time since my last blog, and boy have things been busy.  Rianna’s team lost in the playoffs against the first team they lost to, yeah, the really big kids.  They put up much more of a fight this time, so I guess that’s a good thing.  We look forward to next year and my possibly coaching in some capacity.  Ayana and her team did well all season.  I got to ref a game, and it was the cleanest game all season.  No one was maimed or anything.  Good times.

They did good this year... real good.

Halloween has come and gone, and the stars of the show were the pumpkins.  We changed it up a little bit and added ears using leftover pieces and toothpicks.  I think they were well received by friends and trick or treaters alike.

yes, the little one with the cat ears is Shaun's pumpkin, so cute!

Thanksgiving has just concluded, and my cousin, mother and her fiancée came out to visit our home.  It was great having them here.  I enjoyed spending time with them, so did my wife.  The girls were the most happy of all.  For Rianna she gets to play with her older cousin and finally get some competition.  For Ayana, she got to hang out with her Grandma Lynn who she absolutely adores.  Shaun got to reacquaint herself with my mom and her peeps, and establish dominance over another group of adults.  We had a bit of an abbreviated spread, but a well prepared one nonetheless.  We had the traditional turkey, complete with stuffing, baked pasta shells and cheese, more stuffing, a secret mixture of greens with a smoked turkey wing, and dinner rolls and home-made turkey gravy.  The wife made a bad ass Cobb Salad for this occasion as well.  For dessert we all had home-made sweet potato pie with home-made whipped cream that I put WAAAAYYYY too much damned sugar in, but the kids liked it sooooo, I guess it all worked out.  Did I mention the turkey was 26.5 pounds?  I didn’t huh?  Well the damned turkey was 26.5 pounds.  The biggest turkey I’ve cooked ever.  My wife told me to get a bigger turkey, and me being the dumb-ass Marine that I am, decided to go WAY TOO BIG.  Now we have enough turkey to last us until New Years Eve.  That doesn’t even remotely sound appealing.  Uggghh!  Did I mention that I cooked all this food?  No?!  Well I did, but the gravy was lovingly prepared by my wife and mother.  It was great to see them work together.   It’s not really that big a deal that I cooked, it’s one of the few times I get to put my cooking skills on display, so I do enjoy it a little, and I want my little ladies to find a man who has SOME domestic skills as well .  Here is a little sample of what we were enjoying:

just a little sample....

YOU WILL OBEY ME!!!!

Now time to discus the XBox 360.  It had died a while ago and I was postponing the repair.  Partially because I was lazy, but mostly because I was worried about killing it for good.  My neighbor’s XBox 360 went tits up as well, and he approached me with the request that we do a joint repair.  For some reason this made me want to get mine done.  For some unexplained reason, I really wanted to fix mine…. oh wait, it had nothing to do with my neighbor, I wanted an XBox 360 kinect and didn’t want to buy a new system.  I resented that my machine suddenly died, and I had no more desire in giving Microsoft more money to replace a machine THEY made with piss poor workmanship, and sub par parts than I did in having a bum stab me with a box cutter.  It just so happened that my neighbor came along as I was feeling like this, and it got his machine fixed as well.  What a bargain.  So with my machine repaired, I headed to the only place I KNEW would have the Kinect Sensor Bar the day AFTER Black Friday…. K-Mart.  I was so sure that I refused to call ahead to ensure they had one, I felt it in my bones.  Why was I so sure you ask, because NO ONE SHOPS AT K-MART!!  Everyone goes to wally world (Wal-Mart), Target, the PX or some store OTHER than K-Mart.  That’s how I knew.  SO I get to K-Mart, and there it is, just as I prophesied.  I picked one up, along with a fighting game that lets you use your own punches, knees, kicks, elbows, and head butts to beat live, or computer opponents, this would prove to be somewhat of a mistake.  We will return to that thought in a few, the Kinect came with a game, it’s kinda like Wii Sports, but even more embarrassing.  We put the game in the resurrected XBox 360, and get ready to flail about like it’s nobody’s business.

This........

Plus this.....

Equals this. Yes that is the Funky Chicken....

Flail we did, it tracked our every movement, it recorded whose faces were in the background, and worse of all, it took stills at certain times when you would be undoubtedly in a compromising position.  This is WAAAYYY worse that the Wii could ever hope to be in terms of embarrassment.

Lies!!!

Truths!!!

I did however break a sweat, but I was downright winded playing the fighting game.  It was a total bastard of a game.  I won most of my matches, but I had to put a lot of effort into it.  It took my flail game to a whole new level.  I was punching and kicking like I was fighting off a rapist, but not just any rapist, a really ugly rapist.

Remember this?

YES OFFICER, THAT'S THE ONE. THAT ONE RIGHT THERE!!!!

After sufficiently making myself look like an ass in front of all my immediate family, and sweating profusely in the process, I decided to hand it up for the day, or at least for a little while.  After my mother and her entourage left for home, I got the house a little more clean, and returned back to the source of my tired back, and salty forehead.  The damned Kinect.  I gave it a more concentrated effort, and I was rewarded with more sweat, and even with the smaller crowd, surprisingly more embarrassment.  I do not write these words to admonish the Kinect, quite the contrary.  The Kinect is a technological marvel, and I wish the PS3 had it instead because it’s a better machine.  I just want people to know that you WILL sweat, you WILL flail around like your having a Grand Mal Seizure, and you WILL look and feel like an ass in the process.  Go out and get one, lock the doors, turn of the A/C, and give yourself hell.  Enjoy!  Feel free to leave a comment.

Just a thought, should I pose a question at the end of the blog?  Just a question.

 

What I think of most people....

 

Yeah, thats right.  I blame your parents.  I blame them for you, all your previous failures, and all you future failures.  I blame them for your inability to behave in public.  I blame them for allowing you to grow into an internet tough guy or gal.  I blame them for your disgusting hygiene habits.  I blame them for your inability to clean.  I blame them for your inability to take blame for your own actions (I figured I’d blame them before you did in therapy).  I blame them for your overall inability to function in society.  And mostly I blame them for telling you failure is acceptable and allowing you to live under their roofs until your damned mid 20’s early 30’s.

Americas youth, and adults for the most part has become as mentally soft as cream puffs.  While I don’t deal with the mass population on a day to day, I deal with a select few that supposed to be the best America has to offer, Marines.  The young Marines I have to deal with for the most part are OK.  I’m not perfect by any measure, but that’s on me, not my mom.  There are a few that just don’t seem to get it.  A few that don’t understand the importance of punctuality.  A few that can’t or won’t grasp the concept of accountability.  Some that fail to realize how important washing your ass is, as well as brushing your nasty ass teeth.  How about cleaning at all?  Cooking?  Anything?  Do you have any independence at all?  Nope.  This is a select few this applies to, not everyone.

There are some things I have a problem with that are cultural with my younger counterparts.  Weak mentalities seem to be what’s hot right now.  People simply cannot deal with stress at all these days.  Stress defines who you are.  Everyone is awesome when things are going great, but people go to shit when their situation does.  Just a rant.  Leave a comment if you want.  I will update the girls’ football games later today unless I’m drunk.