Archive for April, 2011


"Thatll teach your brown ass from exploring Arizona!"

For anyone who has been paying attention to the news for the last year or so, you will always hear about a certain state in the southwest engaging in a little bit of state sponsored racism.  That state is not New Mexico, Utah, Colorado, or even Nevada.  That state is Arizona.  Arizona is another one of those places that old people (read: old white people) go to settle down in and live out the rest of their lives.  You may have thought that place was Florida, but you’d be mistaken, there are way too many Cubans, Haitians, and other “undesirables” in Florida.  AZ is all sand, sun, and dead Mexicans, so this is scared old white people heaven.  AZ might have as much diversity as an Ambercrombie catalog, but that would be stretching it.  I mean they do need people of color to play sports at their universities, and on their pro basketball, and football teams, but other than that you gotta go somewhere else darkie.

You see this place? Fuck this place.

During the Bush years, AZ kept it’s head low, and itself out of the spotlight.  Since Obama was elected president the govenment of AZ has become very overt in their racism.  They have tried to pass an unconstitutional law targeting Latinos allowing law enforcement to card anyone they THINK might be an illegal alien (read: any an all brown people).  It was the first step in a harassment campaign designed to make Latinos uncomfortable in their own homes, and their own skins.  A federal judge rejected the law and told AZ to pack that shit up and take it to go.

Get that shit outta here!!!

I might not be inclined to blog AZ with only the immigration law in the news, but now the whole state is feeding into the ‘birther’ movement.  If you don’t know what the birther movement is, it’s a group of people who believe that President Obama is actually from Kenya.  They took to the airwaves in droves demanding proof that Obama was in fact a natural born citizen.  When he produced proof, they simply ignored it.  When it was produced again, they once again ignored it.  So now AZ is trying pass a law that mandates a presidential candidate produce a birth certificate in order to be allowed on their ballots.  Sounds like a good idea, and I would agree with it, if the idea didn’t stem directly from an overt racist fear.  You see, the principle behind the law is flawed, therefore it’s execution will be flawed.  I cannot support anything like that on any scale.  So without further ado…. FUCK AZ!!!

Yeah, fuck those guys.

Now I have met a few good people from AZ, so don’t think I’m condemning everyone.  I’m just condemning those who think up, and those who vote for these horrible laws.  I’m sure I won’t see many comments if any, but feel free to prove me wrong.  Go ahead and leave a comment.  Oh and just a little WTF for the road….

Japan, back in the drivers seat!

I still have idea what any of this is....

Sounds like a good plan.....

Hello, my name is Dirt Diggler, and I’m a fat-ass.  That is what I told myself last week as I read the number on the scale at my medical screening.  I was about 15 pounds heavier than I had ever seen myself……. ever.  I was where I’d told myself I’d never be.  I was as close to fat-ass rock bottom as I’d ever been.  Immediately my blood pressure skyrocketed.  As you can imagine, finding out that I was tipping the scales at around 310 was rather upsetting.  I was filled with disgust for myself over my weight.  The next part of the exam was to check my blood pressure.  I’m normally pre-hypertensive at any weight, it’s my genetic legacy, well now since I was so upset I was well into the hypertensive range.  The nurse asked if I wanted a few minutes to calm down, and I did.  I tried to whoosaa myself calm for a few minutes but I was too far gone by that point.  My blood pressure had lowered just a little bit, but not nearly enough.  So marks the beginning of my current journey: to not be such a fat bastard.  I made the decision that day that I was going on a modified Atkins diet that I will call the Fatkins diet.

Done this one, time for one that is more…… ME
There…. That’s more like it.

The Atkins Diet is a very low carb, very hight protein and fat diet modeled after the Eskimos I guess.  It helps you lose weight fast, but your energy levels will plummet and become inconsistent.  Because your energy levels are neither here nor there, your tolerance for bullshit is much lower.  Because your tolerance levels have dropped, you are now more likely to use what little energy you have in acts of violence against the dumb-asses you will undoubtedly be surrounded by while at work.  Since you are now using your very limited energy in acts of violence, you now have even less available when you have to flee from the police, therefore increasing your chances of incarceration exponentially.  You eat mostly meat, absolutely no rice or bread, and very little if any vegetables.  So you can eat a steak topped with bacon, cheese, and ranch, but you can’t have a fucking apple.  One more big thing about the Atkins diet is this; carbs kinda shape your poop, holds it together.  Without the carbs there you will feel like you are pooping more often, and you are.  But your poops will be more like sawdust instead of the proud bowl crushing turds you were accustomed to dropping before.

So proud, so proud.....

You also have to take multivitamins while on the Atkins diet because you will not be eating veggies which have both vitamins, and carbs.  And tons of water.  You will drink water more than you ever had in your life, but water is cheap, hell it’s free in certain  places.

Tons of this. Remember this stuff?

Now time to describe the Fatkins diet.  Instead of eating fried meats at every meal, you have a low/no carb protein shake for breakfast along with your vitamins and some thermogenics along with a fiber supplement.  “What are thermogenics Mr. Diggler?”  Well let me tell you: fat burners.  Those little pills that increase your body temperature and can make life unbearable if used incorrectly.  You will also be having a shake for lunch, and meat for dinner.  Please take note of the lack of any real food.  You will also be doing 30 minutes to 1 hour of cardio daily.  Because you are taking thermogenics, and working your ass off in the gym you will need to consume enormous amounts of water.  More than you would if on the Atkins diet.  This combination if done correctly will take you straight into the “Unhealthy weight loss” realm.  It’s OK, this is not a long term solution to the size of your ass, but you can do this for a couple of weeks, take a few days off, and go back on for a couple more weeks until you reach your goal weight.  Once you get to your desired size, you now have to use methods such as portion control, exercise, calorie counting, and so on to maintain or improve your shape.

Don't do this..... ever!

You can’t just shotgun a pizza and chase it with a tub of ice cream and expect it NOT to latch onto your belly and or ass.  You have to take control of YOUR diet and YOUR eating habits to maintain any semblance of a good shape.  Oh, and remember that fiber you took in the morning, it not only helps in the weight loss process, but helps those turds become a bit more manageable.  I’ve lost about 20 pounds doing this diet, and it’s time for a short break during which I will gain some weight back.  But back on the diet I got first thing Monday, ready to do it for another round.

Yeah! Bring it bitches, just make sure it has no carbs OK......

And now on to the WTF that undoubtedly lead most readers to this blog.  Feel free to comment.  I respond to each one.

Woman, get my razor! I have to shave my eyeballs now!

Work hard, play harder I guess

Hip hop clothes and maybe fried chicken?

WOW

Ronald-San was kicking The Colonels ass until the Burger King got involved....

Thank you for reading, as I said before, feel free to leave a comment.