Archive for February, 2011


Well ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I return to you once again with yet another blog.  No doubt I will use colorful language, images, and topics throughout this post.  Some of you might be amused.  Some of you might be offended.  Some of you will just take it all in stride.  Some of you will in fact, read the words I have labored to type, and still others will just look at the pictures.  Hey whatever floats your boat, I’m just happy to be here.  No on to the topics at hand.

like a doughnut please.... and this time with some fucking enthusiasm!!!!

As some of you might know I recently posted a blog about Valentine’s Day, and my views of it.  If you hadn’t, allow me to give you a quick refresher.  Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday with no real meaning.  It is yet another way for people to sell a bunch of shit to people who can’t afford them (men), in an attempt to impress someone else (women) in a misplaced gesture of affection.  Valentine’s Day would be completely pointless if you treated your significant others with the love and respect they deserve all year long.  However, in Japan Valentine’s Day is based around showering the MEN with gifts of flowers and chocolate.  The women have White Day which ironically is March 14, in which they are showered with gifts.  The role reversal is refreshing, but in this country/culture there is no role reversal possible because there is no day set aside for men.  Now this is not my idea.  I did n’t come up with this but I stand behind it completely.  Starting this year March 14 needs to be set aside as…… Steak and BJ day.  That’s right.  Steak and BJ day.  The ladies will cook a steak for their man, and hook him up with one of the most selfless acts a woman can perform.

Ladies, stop being so selfish.....

Some might say that I, and other who follow this line of thinking are misogynistic assholes who hate women.  Quite the contrary.  We are the same people who go out of their way to make sure SHE had a memorable Valentine’s day.  We are the flower giving, champaign pouring, meal cooking, foot rubbing guys who show our love and affection on every possible occasion.  All we ask is that you show US some love and appreciation by doing for us.  Nothing about oral sex is nasty in a monogamous relationship.  Nothing is nasty about sex.  We have a pretty ass backward view of sex to begin with, which is shocking considering it’s how we all ended up here.  While we will call out the men to bend over backwards into the range of ridiculous extravagance just to show they love someone else, all we ask in return is the simple act of a good meal, and a BJ.  Yes ladies, please dress sexy, and put some effort into it.  We would for you.  We do for you.  You don’t have to be in a traditional relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor Steak and BJ day.  Just know your roles and play accordingly.

and yes, doing this is a plus.....

Let’s make March 14th a day we all look forward to, and do it WAY BIG!  On to other business….

The Infamous Foot Button.  I alluded to how a button was sewn on to my foot as part of my most recent surgery.  I never explained what the button was actually there for.

not a button like this....

or this, even though I kinda FEEL that way about it...

not as cool as this....

and definitely not this stupid button....

The button was part of a muscle re-route to make sure things healed correctly.  The surgery itself was to remove a ‘fibrous coalition’.  In other words I was born with fibrous tissue bonding two bones in my foot/ankle together.  This limited the range of motion my foot had.  The limited range of motion let to MANY ankle sprains, and ultimately tons of scar tissue, and arthritis in my foot.  After they removed the naughty fibrous tissue they needed something to fill the gap to make sure it didn’t grow back… enter the Infamous Foot Button.  The took some muscle and stretched it into the gap.  In order to hold it there long enough to heal over, they weaved sutures into in, and anchored them to the button on the bottom of my foot.  “But Dirty… how did they get the stitches to the button?” you may ask.  Big ass needles through my foot is the answer.  They literally stabbed two really big needles through my foot to run the stitches to the button.  Crazy shit, I know.  Don’t believe me, here is a pic….

The horror!!!!

I thought that damn button fell off and I had to rush to the doctor’s office to have my cast removed (HELL YEAH!!), only to find that the button was very much still in place.  I begged the doctor to leave the cast off, I felt so liberated, I was looking forward to… I don’t know….. wash my fucking filthy ass foot.  Either way I was denied by the medical professional in charge and on went a new cast.  I will go through this exact evolution again on Wednesday when I see the actual surgeon that worked on me, and I still go back into a cast for two more weeks.  The price of good health I guess……

Maybe it’s just me.  Probably it’s just me.  Am I the only one who runs into immense amounts of censorship on social networking sites?  I’ve had a whole account on MySpace cancelled, and I’ve just recently had a valid cause shut down without even a note from the site.  The MySpace thing went down years ago… you know, like before MySpace was a haven for child molesters and children in a rush to be molested (I can’t understand why a young girl would fake her age to be with a 30+ year old man, that’s the connection I make in my mind.  Don’t get offended, or do, I don’t care either way.) but it sucked to lose an account.  It’s like having your identity taken from you by some faceless asshole.

different process and your will NEVER forget the faces of those assholes!

The FaceBook incident was just today.  The cause was to spread the word on Steak and BJ Day.  A worthy cause if there ever was one.  I don’t put it up there with cancer research but it’s better than some of the other bullshit causes they allow.  I had just created the cause.  It was picking up momentum.  I was on my way to my goal to making this a reality, and it was all taken away, just like that.  Needless to say I’m a little pissed, but was it all me?  Did I simply choose the wrong forum for this cause?  We will see.  Here is the link to the new FB page dedicated to it.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/People-For-the-Celebration-of-March-14-Steak-and-BJ-Day/201560426521345?v=wall&sk=wall

Either way, these site have led to a generation of socially retarded people who seem to think their opinion matters (and yes I see the irony of that statement), especially Twitter.  So if you see the following icons, take heed and move with trepidation, because they all kinda suck….

easy to plug into, impossible to unplug from..

if you STILL use this site, you are going to hell for touching children... you nasty bastard!

The root word is twit. Few statements containing only 140 characters can be important..... just sayin...

And now time for the customary visual assault of WTF I’ve come accustomed to putting at the end of my blog.  Enjoy and be sure to leave a comment!

Actual statue in Korea...

for the avid fisherman I guess....

Japan, the undisputed champion of WTF

just in case you were about to argue my last caption...

you can't unsee any of this!

and yes, this blog is the shiznit

Advertisements

The day is upon us.  The day where men of all ages spend way too much money on stupid shit in an attempt to proves ones love.  The day where women with people in their lives are showered with gifts for simply having vaginas, and single women cry themselves into a food coma after taking down a tub of Super Choco Brownie Fudge ice cream because no one loves them or their vaginas.  Little kids will exchange valentines cards at school not fully understanding why.  Some kid will not get a card because he/she is WAY different than the other kids and probably smells a little bit like pee.  This kid will be sad, and someone might give them a card out of misplaced pity not to be mistaken of actual affection.  Get used to it kid, life has way more of that in store for you.  Today is Valentines Day.

Did you remember to buy something?

Men, make sure that you have SOMETHING planned for your special someone.  If there is no special someone, find the depressed lonely chick BEFORE she dives head first into a tub of ice cream for your best chance for a date.  If you do a good job you might even get to see her naked (YAY!).  Ladies, today you MUST shave yourselves down and actually behave like ladies for once.  Do something nice for the person in your life as well.  Attempt to cook something using a STOVE.  You know what a stove is right?  That big ass fire making thing you light your cigarettes on in the corner, is actually used in food preparation.  Gay couples, switch rolls just for today.  Tops, submit and be bottoms, bottoms take charge and be tops today.  You owe it to each other.  So I’ve been told at least.  Valentines day is the most artificial holiday ever.  You are supposed to take today to make your loved one feel a little bit more loved.  That whole concept is bullshit.  Everyday you should be showing your love to those who you hold near and dear.  You shouldn’t need some bullshit day set aside by some other asshole years ago to day that.  But hey who knows, if you play your cards right you might just get to slide into 5th Base.

yep, it's just what you thought it was....

Being as my wife DOES subscribe to the whole Valentines Day thing, I have spent money on things for her, as she has for me.  In Japan where my wife is from, the women shower the men with gifts.  Being as men are the breadwinners, that makes more sense, but women there do get shit on a little bit compared to here.  Hey, whatever arrangement you have with your other, just make sure it’s mutual.

we like chocolate too, when presented the correct way....

On to other business…..

DirtDiggler2823 just cracked the 10,000 hit mark.  I am pretty excited about this as it shows that this blog can be cool at least by accident.  To all the faithful readers I thank you.  To all those who stumbled upon this blog Google searching something horrible, I applaud you.  To all those who stumbled upon this blog, and stayed a while and actually read what I’d written, you have my many thanks.  This milestone of 10,000 hits does not yield me anything tangible, but it validates my writing as not to shabby.  Thank you all so much.  As a reward I will put up a few pics to commemorate valentines day.  Thank god for Japan…….

Japanese super heros

...and I'll pet it and love it and name it George......

A cock rocket? I can't compete with that! All I have is a wang laser....

And now you want one like this. Poor kitty, no pussy should look that sad.....

Happy Valentines Day you crazy kids!!

Enjoy, and leave a comment.

Today I will blog about another person who had a dramatic effect on my life.  This person is Sgt. Kenny Perkins, or better yet… Sgt. Kenny Perkins’ mustache.  I remember that mustache being two distinct thing… Big, and red, and horrible.  So three things.  From the moment we saw that horrible creature perched atop Kenny’s lip, we felt FORCED to ridicule him.  We had to purge that thing from our plane of existence lest it attempt a bid at world domination.  For about a week, another Sgt, and I took the time to apply peer pressure to Kenny in an attempt to shave that THING.  I would go so far as to say we were so effective that he contacted his mother for confirmation to what he already knew.  ” You will never have a mustache like your father Kenny” she said.  To which we said “Who’s your dad, Yosemite Sam?!”  You may wonder what the creature I described looks like so you may banish it as well if you ever happen upon it.  I have enclosed a picture……

pay no attention to the man the 'stache is controlling, and try not to look directly into it's eyes.... it may seize your soul......

The ‘stache by itself…..

It normally consumes human souls, but every once and a while it goes for rabbit.

I have also included a picture of Kenny’s dad….. I think.

artist's depiction

Notice any resemblance?

In all honesty Sgt. Kenny Perkins is not a bad guy at all.  Once you look past that he’s from “New England” and is a “Patriots” fan, he’s not a bad guy.  He has had his fair share of bad luck as all of would have.  His reactions however were all his.  I will not get into any of that because I don’t know enough about them to sound remotely intelligent.  I will say this, Kenny, just like the mighty cockroach is indestructible and will outlive us all.

Now onto other things.

I recently had my ankle surgery as of last Friday.  I am currently in a cast and I have been told NOT to put weight on it.  I have already been to one follow up with my doctor and I was not prepared for what I saw when I saw my foot for the first time after surgery.

not a zombie foot... not yet

That cut is WAY bigger than I expected, but that was nothing compared to what was on the bottom of my foot….

dude.... it's a button.... on my foot.... what?

Yes, that little circular thing is a button sewn onto my foot.  BUTTON SWEN ONTO MY FOOT!  I still can’t get over that.  I have metal cables in my shoulder holding things together, but since I can’t see them it’s not big deal.  The button, however temporary is right there.  It’s simply too much for me to completely wrap my mind around at this point.  Other than that, my foot is pretty painless.  I can feel the suture itch every once and a while but no real pain.  I can’t complain about that at all.  Good job doctor!

My employment arrangement post Marine Corps are working out just fine.  Looks like I will not only have a job, but be well paid just as I was planning on.  Well, here’s to 10 years of planning and just having it fall in your lap.

OH HELL YEAH!!!

Rude people of the Wal-Mart parking lot, I have an announcement to make:  Even on these crutches, pending separation from the Marine Corps, fat and black, I am and always will be better than you.  As you drive SPEED by in your late 90’s POS vehicle making eye contact while not letting me cross the road remember this.  Your acting like an asshole won’t fill the hole in your soul where your parents/spouse/drug addiction/what-fucking-ever lies.  You are wasting my beloved oxygen, and I demand you stop immediately.  That is all, carry on.

If that box could drive, it would frequent Wal-Mart.

Yes, that is a 4 pack of douches she is holding.  I fucking hate going to Wal-Mart…..

they have a parody website for a reason......

Well that’s all for today.  There is always more I could talk about but today I keep it short.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Oh and here’s your reward for finishing this blog…..

yeah... my thoughts exatcly....

If you have ANY idea is to what in the hell is going on in this pic feel free to leave a comment.  I you have NO idea, and just want to leave a comment, go right ahead.  Holy crap!